Where's Gary?

Aw man, I'm sooooo sorry I haven't posted lately. I'm becoming more of a missing person than Steve-O.

I'm in a very "80's" mood at the moment. I'm on iTunes trying to make a couple of playlists out of the 66 synth-pop tracks I copied from my brother-in-law's CD's when he was in town a month ago.

Did I really rip "Da Da Da" by Trio? Yes I did. It's that damn Volkswagen commercial made me do it. Remember the stinky easy chair?

I knew you did. "On the road of life, there are passengers. And there are drivers." And there are always dopey twenty-somethings that will pick up used furniture off the curb if you leave it for them.

Maybe it was the stench that made Cardinal Fang's "comfy chair" so ominous?

Maybe not.

CONFESS!!

BRUNETTE BIRTHDAY SERIES-SOUND OFF OR ON DIVISION

Today's feature: Hilary Swank who turned 36 yesterday--as far as I can tell, she has not hit any of the trifecta which mark a starlet whose career is on the skids.

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RANDOM PRODUCT TESTING-AUTOMOTIVE PRODUCT DIVISION

I have a set of road flares rattling around the back of my ride for the last fifteen years and decided to see if they were still good. One would not ignite but another went off like it was fresh out of the box.

MAYBE MINK MONICA WAS RIGHT

. . . when she opined that wheat beer was for girls who don't like beer. Mrs. LMC is not a brew fan but remarked last night that she liked the wheat beer she bought for me earlier this week. I almost fell out of my chair.

Gone Away

Ol' Robbo's out of here for a while, probably with little or no computer access. Back later.

Yip! Yip! Yip!

Your Quote Of The Day

"It's hard to think of someplace more unpleasant than D.C. in August. The whole city feels like a Port-o-Jon in New Orleans during a heat wave after Dom DeLuise paid the price for eating a whole bowl of really bad clams."

- Jonah Goldberg

Which is why I am out of here.

Gratuitous Nats Posting (TM) - Batista-Gate! Edition

Uh, oh! Miguel Batista is in some serious hot water with the good folks of Iowa for his remark about beauty queens I mentioned yesterday:

To recap:

Washington Nationals starter Miguel Batista, the replacement starter for injured Stephen Strasburg on Tuesday night, made fun of himself after hearing the home crowd boo. They paid money to watch Strasburg, not him, which invoked this beauty of a quote:

"Imagine if you go to see Miss Universe, then you end up having Miss Iowa,'' Batista said, "you might get those kind of boos.''

Aaaaaand....cue the outrage!

Batista, who pitched five shutout innings and got the victory in the Nationals' 3-0 victory, never realized that his quote could cause problems. Well, at least in Iowa.

[Snip]

Batista discovered the outrage his comment drew in Iowa, with Connors issuing a statement: "I know I can throw a pitch or two! The question is, can Miguel Batista walk the runway in a swimsuit?"

That happens to be a pretty good comeback. Unfortunately, rather than smiling and saying "Touche," Miguel made the mistake of trying to talk his way out:

Batista apologized and sent flowers to Miss Iowa, Katherine Connors, calling her gorgeous when he saw her picture.

"People started booing me, and they hadn't seen me throw a pitch yet," Batista told the Washington Post, explaining his quote. "It's like you hear Miss Iowa, and you say, 'Iowa?' And then you see her up close and you say, 'Wow, she's gorgeous.' "

Flowers? Nice idea. Explanation? Lame. Lame. Lame.

So how will the parties turn this regrettable incident into a teachable moment?

The folks at the Miss Iowa Pageant even made Batista an offer he might not be able to refuse.

"Congratulations to Mr. Batista for an outstanding pitching performance last night,'' said Craig Heitkamp, executive co-director of the Miss Iowa Pageant. "Sometimes it's great to see the underdog win. We would like to formally invite Mr. Batista to serve on the judging panel at the Miss Iowa USA Pageant October 23 & 24 in Ames, Iowa."

That's right, a Bimbo Summit! No word on whether Joe Biden will show up.

By the way, you can see a pic of Miss Iowa if you click over to the article. Meh, I think Miguel got it right the first time. UPDATE: I think the article originally ran with the wrong pic! It's since been changed and I humbly withdraw the snark and grant Miss Iowa full Llama approval!

UPDATE: Uh, oh - Looks like this thing has the potential to go class action!

UPDATE DEUX: Here she comes, Miss Iiiiiowaaaaa.......

Of course, as a commenter pointed out, the Phils will be in town Friday when she's set to throw out the first pitch, so the stands will be full of drunken, ill-bred louts from up I-95 aways and she shouldn't be surprised to get showered with boos and beer bottles.

Random Commuter Observation (TM)

Ol' Robbo, as regular camelidophiles will know, has been suffering something fierce from the oppressive heat and humidity this summer.

This morning, staggering into the local Starbucks literally dripping with sweat, my eyes fell on a bottle of something calling itself "Metroelectro". It purports to be "micronutrient water" and to contain antioxidants and electrolytes. And it comes in a hip, metrosexual bottle. [Ed. - How can a bottle...oh, never mind.]

Well, I bought a bottle and basically chugged it. And now I feel better. I can't say whether this is due to some actual physiological effect or whether it's an illusion brought on by the fancy advertising, but either way I'll take it.

Gratuitous Nats Posting (TM)

What is it with my beloved Nats? They're two completely different teams at home and on the road.

Too bad for all those citizens of Natstown who came down to see Wonderboy pitch last evening, but those boo-birds in the stands can stuff it. The decision to scratch Strasburg at the last instant because he couldn't get loose was the right call. And what a game Batista and the bullpen served up!

The Nats should hang on to Dunn. Ditto with Willingham. (Get out of here, Boston!)

UPDATE: I love Batista's own comment on the boo-birds:

Batista said he understood the fans' reaction. "Imagine if you go there to see Miss Universe - and you end up having Miss Iowa," he said.

Heh. If Miss Iowa could throw front door and back door stuff like that, I don't care what she'd look like.

NOMINATIONS FOR BEST CHEAP BEER EVER

I am not sure if I should ever dare to post about brew after Monica's blistering comment that all but accused me of drinking girlie beer. In any event, submit your nominations for the best cheap beer.

My vote: National Bohemian, a mainstay of college life at Washington and Lee--five bucks for a case of longnecks at East Lexington Store, and drinkable if served ice cold. Several fraternity brothers were rumored to have engaged in the "Natty Bo' One Thousand" during Spring Term which called for them to drink a thousand bottles over the course of six weeks. Never actually confirmed the count which would have required biopsies on those who did not need liver transplants.

Yips! from Robbo: We drank a lot of Meisterbrau, aka Mr. Beer, in college. Since it didn't actually kill us, it only made us stronger.

"Never Mind"

Seeing headlines all day about the legalization of "jailbreaking" with iPhones, I thought the story had something to do with literally using iPhones to aid and abet, well, prisoners breaking out of jail.

This disturbed me somewhat.

Having now bothered to read an article on the subject, I see that the issue is actually whether people should be able to trick out their iPhones with gizmos not approved by Apple (and, presumably, bought from Apple) without violating copyright laws.

This disturbs me not at all.

BRUNETTE BIRTHDAY SERIES-SOUND OFF OR ON DIVISION

Today, a double feature. First, Kate Beckinsale is 37:

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Second, newly available Sandra Bullock is 46:

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I Have Been Wasting My Money For The Last 29 Years . . .

on brew. Over the years, your humble LMC has tried it all: cheap beer, keg beer, expensive beer, cold beer, beer at room temp, fraternity beer, ales, stouts, lagers, and a wide variety of dreadful backwash whoses origins are best left unexplored and unexplained. Earlier this month, the old AWC seminar had a get together at Cafe Bruges in Carlisle, PA , a pub whose beverage selection includes a wide variety from Belgium. The wheat beers are pale, ranging from blonde to almost white and have a mild, even taste--the last swallow was as good as the first, even if it had been sitting on the table for an hour. Mrs. LMC located Blue Moon wheat beer in the adult beverage section of the local supermarket (adjacent to the vast real estate holdings which comprise Fort LMC). Ah, my bride thinks of everything.

"Not To Promote War, But To Preserve Peace"

Friday wrapped up the Army War College with the conclusion of the second year resident course and graduation. The SRC consisted of lively discussions, guest speakers, an awesome tour of the Gettsyburg battlefields, and guest members of our seminars from academia, the media, private industry, and government. No major faux pas but I might have been a bit more formal had I known from the outset that the guest sitting next to me was an ambassador, a fact I did not surmise until midway through her stay with us.

Where's Robbo?

Sorry for the lack of posts of late. Not that I don't have anything to say, but tace is the Latin for a candlestick, if you know what I mean.

For those of you wondering what character I might have assumed for the pool club Love Boat party held last weekend, I hate to burst the bubble of anticipation but the fact is that we didn't wind up going. The Butcher's Wife had scheduled an evening out with friends that I didn't know about when I posted on the topic.

Hey, she says go and I goeth.

Another thing I didn't know about is that the LMC and family will be descending on Orgle Manor tomorrow for a short visit. Perhaps we could do our own mini-L.B. routine: So now you can suggest four different parts for Mr. & Mrs. LMC, the Butcher's Wife and Self.

If I know anything about this crew, everyone will want to be Isaac so they can control the adult beverage flow.

Gratuitous Nats Posting (TM) - Whiskey Tango Foxtrot Edition

Not to cast gloom on what otherwise ought to be a day of joyous festivity, but by my count, the Nats ran up a total of 19 hits against the Fish yesterday and today. And how many runs did they generate? Ze. Ro.

And it's not like the Fish walked all over them, either, winning on Saturday by two and today by one.

Un. Buh. Lieve. A. Bull.

This keeps up, it's gonna be a looooooong second half.

Good Day. GOOD Day.

The lovely and talented Mélissa Theuriau turns 32 today. All I can say is that if Dan Rather had looked like her, I wouldn't have given a wet slap how many nooz stories he faked.

Yip! Yip! Yip!

Shipping Out

Our pool is having its annual adult members only pool party this weekend. The theme this year is "The Love Boat," with attendees encouraged to dress up as their favorite cast members or guest stars.

I may say that I am extremely suspicious of some of the names on the Wiki entry for Love Boat guest stars. Some of them seem impossibly young. (Courtney Cox? Michael J. Fox?) Some of them seem like fish out of water. (Anthony Andrews? Vincent Price?)

(Granted, I stopped watching TLB in the early 80's, so perhaps "doing" it got to be more hip later in the series' life.)

Aaaaaanyway, supposing I was to go to this party and supposing I was even to dress up for it, the question is: Who should ol' Robbo be?

And don't bother saying "Charo" because that's already under consideration.

Random Commuter Observation

It astounds me that here we are, well into the 21st Century, and yet there are still men who insist on appearing in public wearing shorts and dark socks.

Killer Cars Update

It would take me too long to find it, but a while back when the country was in the grip of anti-Toyota sudden acceleration syndrome fevah, I remarked that the actual cause of the outburst of SAS incidents was probably moron drivers accidentally gunning it, and that the whole thing reminded me of the same accusation leveled at Audi back in the 80's.

Well damme if I wasn't right:

The U.S. Department of Transportation has analyzed dozens of data recorders from Toyota Motor Corp. vehicles involved in accidents blamed on sudden acceleration and found that at the time of the crashes, throttles were wide open and the brakes were not engaged, people familiar with the findings said.

The results suggest that some drivers who said their Toyota and Lexus vehicles surged out of control were mistakenly flooring the accelerator when they intended to jam on the brakes. But the findings don't exonerate Toyota from two known issues blamed for sudden acceleration in its vehicles: sticky accelerator pedals and floor mats that can trap accelerator pedals to the floor.

The U.S. Department of Transportation found that throttles wide open and brakes not engaged on Toyota cars involved in accidents that were initially blamed on sudden acceleration. Mike Ramsey discusses. Also, Joe White and Ashby Jones discuss the U.S. Court ruling striking down certain FCC rules against broadcast indecency.

The findings by the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration involve a sample of reports in which a driver of a Toyota vehicle said the brakes were depressed but failed to stop the car from accelerating and ultimately crashing.

A NHTSA spokeswoman declined to confirm the findings.

The data recorders analyzed by NHTSA were selected by the agency, not Toyota, based on complaints the drivers had filed with the government.

The findings are consistent with a 1989 government-sponsored study that blamed similar driver mistakes for a rash of sudden-acceleration reports involving Audi 5000 sedans.

Of course, NHTSA can't just come out and call the public a bunch of morons, so it also tagged Toyota itself about sticky accelerator pedals and poorly designed floor mats.

I strongly recommend that you go back and read the chapter of Peej O'Rorke's Parliament of Whores that discusses the earlier Audi outburst.

Gratuitous All-Star Game Observation

Doubling down on the National League:

So, the NL is due. Actually, no. The NL was “due” in 2002. But all it could muster was a tie in Milwaukee. And it has lost seven in a row since.

No more.

It ends at The Big A. And I’m not going to hide behind one of the easy arguments: It’s cyclical. … The NL will get lucky one of these years. … Yadier Molina, starting despite a .223 average, obviously saved his hits for Tuesday.

By saying that an NL triumph is bound to happen, you imply the AL’s 12-0-1 run was something of a fluke. It wasn’t. The AL has been the superior league since the mid-1990s – and, frankly, it still is.

But the NL will win Tuesday because of the same exercise that has decided ballgames since the 19th century.

Pitching.

“I’m not going to call any shots,” Cardinals right-hander Adam Wainwright said. “I just know we have a team that’s good enough to do it. No billboard material coming from my mouth.”

But?

“It would be nice to throw the AL a whuppin’.”

It would, indeed. And maybe Matt Capps gets that save after all.

"Sponge-worthy"

Leave to an economics professor at Princeton to actually come up with the equations. Via the Phi Beta Cons at NRO.

"I Like My Constitution Dead"

--I have forgotten who came up with that line but this opinion piece by Rhonda Swan illustrates why. Ms. Swan goes on and on about the fact that slaves counted for only three-fifths of a human being at the time of the Constitution's ratification, blah, blah. She overlooks that the abolition of slavery did not occur because the Supreme Court invented the Thirteenth Amendment (Bork's famous formulation) but because Congress voted on it and the states ratified the Amendment following the bloodiest conflict in American history.

Go, Dog, Go

Your tax money at work:

WASHINGTON - Now your pet can make a pit stop too before getting on the plane with you at two D.C. area airports. Dulles and Reagan National Airports have opened "pet relief areas" to give dogs a place to go to the bathroom at the airport.

The pet areas were created because of federal rules requiring "service animal relief areas" for service animals that accompany passengers on trips, but the areas are also open for families traveling with pets.

Each fenced-in dog bathroom at Dulles has a fake fire hydrant, artificial grass, and bags so the owners can clean up after their pups. There are three pet areas outside the main terminal and two inside the concourses. The indoor locations have ventilation and flushing systems to keep everything clean.

Reagan National has all four of its pets areas outside on natural grass before you get through security.

Of course, the problem with this is that it poses some serious equal protection issues. What about cats? Or pigs? Or, must I say it, llamas?

A Question

Am I the only person in America who really doesn't care where Lebron James goes?

Quite possibly.

Random Commuter Observations (TM)

Perhaps more people would be interested in public transportation systems if such systems did not treat their passengers like cattle.

Just an idea.

Yesterday afternoon, the heat caused some kind of track breakage on the metro. As a result, my train held for a good ten or fifteen minutes at each station before sloooowly inching its way on to the next. And just for laughs, they threw us all off at one stop so they could send the empty back in the other direction, requiring us to board the already jam-packed next one coming along. My ride, which usually takes about 25 minutes, was spun out to at least an hour and a half, all of it hot, sweaty and stinky.

I found myself jammed up next to one of those types who seems to feel the need to talk constantly, spewing a stream of the most hackneyed cliches in a loud voice calculated to draw the attention of everyone around him. Friends, I try to be charitable in my dealings with Humanity, but really, I find this type mighty hard to bear. Unfortunately, my single, tight-lipped smile of acknowledgment and immediate reversion to my book only seemed to have provoked him. Perhaps it was nervousness, perhaps a feeling of having been somehow offended, but as he continued to jabber at those around us, I could feel his eyes constantly sweeping over me like a searchlight as I rigidly kept my head down. Finally, at one of the stops, he said something like, "Screw this - I'm going to go get a drink at a bar," and stomped off in a huff.

I have yet to figure out in my forty-something years on this earth why I seem to hold such an attraction for cats and crazy people, but there it is.

UPDATE: We get results:

WASHINGTON (AP) -- Metro is planning a major change in service patterns next summer to alleviate congestion in northern Virginia.

The change would reroute a third of blue line trains along the yellow line bridge, crossing the Potomac River and up to Greenbelt along the green line. Three trains also would be added each peak travel hour between West Falls Church and Largo Town Center to relieve crowding on the orange line.

The shift aims to accommodate evolving Metro ridership patterns and prepare for service to Dulles International Airport.

The change would mean more frequent service to about 15,000 riders and make better use of the yellow line bridge. However, thousands of riders traveling from stations south of the Pentagon on the blue line would have longer rides.

The Llama speaks. Washington listens.

Random Commuter Observation (TM) - Lord of the Flies Edition

It's only supposed to reach a wringing-wet ninety-five degrees today. Perhaps I should have brought my parka along.

Riders of Dee Cee's metro (at least on the Orange Line, which serves the northern and western Virginny burbs) tend to be a fairly civil lot. But always after a few days of this kind of weather, one begins to see that civility crumbling: There's more shoving, more sarcastic comments, some shouting.

It sometimes happens in the winter, too, especially right around Christmas. But at least then one isn't covered in sticky sweat.

Gratuitous Nats Posting (TM) - All Star Division

Congrats to ace closer Matt Capps for making this year's National League line-up.

The boys in the booth last night were discussing the question of whether Capps ought to be brought in if there's a save situation. Sure, they said. Only problem is that the last time the National League found itself in a save situation in the All Star Game, glaciers were still sweeping across most of the Midwest.

Oh, and speaking of All Stars, may I summon what little Orgle Power might be out there and urge all of you who follow these things to go vote for Ryan Zimmerman to make the roster? Buh-lieve me, he's earned it.

Huh?

Word has it that we may be swapping spy-babe Anna Chapman for some dweeby Russian scientist who got caught helping out the CIA.

I'm not an expert on international espionage or anything, but on at least one level I can't see how this is a good deal.

(Oh, spare me! You know perfectly well that I wasn't the only one whose immediate reaction when the story first broke was to wonder how to say "Yowza!" in Russian. Confess, I say! Confess!!)

It's The Extreme, Baybee!

As I posted below, certain persons within my network of acquaintances had some fun at my expense over the weekend upon learning that I didn't care to go on a zip line tour. (Yeah, I'm looking at you, Mr. Steve-O "View from the Ladies' Tee" Llama!)

Well. I dunno if it would help my street cred at all, but one thing I've always actually wanted to do in the adventure line is go on one of these tornado-chasing trips:

If you’re looking for a whirlwind holiday, a break in America’s Midwest might just fit the bill.

Storm-chasers Roger and Caryn Hill are now taking British punters on the hunt of their lives following deadly and destructive tornadoes.

Ploughing their way through 'Tornado Alley', the couple drive groups of up to 18 people in three buses and charge up to £230 a day for a ten-day chase.

Sign me up. And no, my interest has absolutely nothing to do with Helen Hunt in a wet tee and sports bra.

Actually, I've got to make a couple trips out to the Heartland this summah on biznay. Last time I went, I got caught in a mondo blizzard, so who knows what might be waiting in store this go round.

Imminent rueage, no doubt.

Happy Birthday To...WHO?

Interesting that Google should be decorating its banner today with a stylized version of the self-portrait of Mexican painter Frida Kahlo (born this day in 1907). The woman was a goddam Stalinist.

Anyway, there are all kinds of other birthdays today: Revolutionary War heroes Dan Morgan and John Paul Jones; shoe-biz folks Nancy Reagan, Merv Griffin, Bill Haley, Ned Beatty and Sylvester Stallone; and politicians George Stanley (who designed the Canadian flag) and George Dubya.

It also happens to be Mrs. Robbo's birthday, the latest in a series of celebrations of her 29th, I believe.

Yip! Yip! Yip!

Random Commuter Observation

Geh.

That is all.

The Fate of the Signers of the Declaration Of Independance

Rush Limbaugh's father gave this speech frequently and he reprinted on his site. Read it.

All In All, Not A Bad Weekend

Friday evening--pulled the requisite shift during bingo at the local Catholic elementary school. Saturday--work in yard in the morning, afternoon at the pool, evening dinner and drinks with the aged relatives. Sunday--Mass and more yard work, followed by an afternoon block party and fireworks in the evening. Brief stop at the office today, more yard work, and topped it off with a late afternoon visit to north end of the Virginia Beach oceanfront. Best part--giving boogie board pointers to the Future ROTC Scholarship Recipient and Our Little Debutante. They actually paid attention.

Reach Out And Touch THIS!

Mrs. Robbo and I went off to a B&B in western Murrland for a couple nights before retrieving the Llama-ettes from camp on Friday.

The place where we stayed was across the street from a small year-round resort. One of the activities offered at said resort during the summah was a long, multi-part, zip-line "trail". Seized by I don't know what spirit, Mrs. Robbo decided to take a whirl on it. I, on the other hand, politely declined.

It is the curse of the age that information should pass hither and yon in real time, and it was seemingly only an instant before word started spreading around of Robbo's supposed cowardice in passing up the zip-line offer. Indeed, I have heard references to the matter -veiled and otherwise - from a remarkable number of people since then.

Look, for the O-fficial record, here's how I saw it: My dislike of heights is, of course, well known and I won't deny that it was a factor. However, summing things up rationally, on the one hand was an opportunity to loll on a lake-front porch with a glass of wine and a good book. On the other was an invitation to hurl myself about a set of poles and wires like a goddam orangutan.

This is even a question?

BRUNETTE BIRTHDAY SERIES-SOUND OFF OR ON DIVISION

Liv Tyler is 33 today:

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