June 30, 2004
Going Live Soon
After a delay caused by vacations, sinus infections, and template problems, we're finally ready to make the official jump from blogger to moo knew. We'll go live on this site very soon---we are experiencing a traffic spike over at the old site, and once that's subsided to our regular traffic levels we're shutting the lights over there and moving our sitemeter clicker over here.
Thanks for the patience of everyone in the Moo Knew collective!
June 26, 2004
Don't forget---MONDAY'S the big day!
And I'm not talking about the Olson Twins going legal.
Take no prisoners, Robbo! And remember, like a true Llamabutcher colleague, I'll be waiting by the side of the ring to bonk Cake-eater on the head with a folding chair if necessary.
Found via Herr Commizzar, who ve tink may be ze double agent.
Mon dieu! How did I miss that one?
Tainted Bill of course remembers June 23rd, a proud day in the history of France.
Another satisfied customer!
Remember the things you need to keep in mind to enjoy Fahrenheit 9/11:
1. Al Quaida came into existence January 21, 2001.
2. The World Trade Center was certainly not attacked in 1993, nor were our embassies bombed in Africa, nor the Khobar Barracks bombed in Saudi Arabia, nor the USS Cole attacked when Bill Clinton was busy shagging the help. Nut-uh, didn't happen.
3. Afghanistan didn't go to hell because of the Soviet invasion of that country on Christmas Day 1979, because there was no Soviet Union. Duh, communism has never really been tried, so never really failed. The Soviet Union was just another form of rapacious capitalism, like WalMart and jock itch.
4. Jimmy Carter's presidency never welcomed the coup in Iraq that brought Saddam to power, nor was the Soviet invasion of Afghanistan the fault of Carter's feckless foreign policy. See #3.
5. Iraq/Saddam was armed by Amerika, so ignore the fact that their military sported Soviet made hardware. See #3.
MUST CREDIT LLAMAS!
Tragedy struck the Damascus, Syria, premiere of Fahrenheit 9/11, as special guest-of-the-director Michael Moore's long-time skeet shooting buddy and al-Quaida terrorist Mohammad al-Bingaling, feeling festive, decided to celebrate by taking the Olsen Twins hostage, and threatening to behead them if "the criminal Zionist gangster isn't soon replaced by that earnest and forthright man of the people John Kerry, who you know served valiantly in Vietnam, and if the second season of "Saved by the Bell" isn't released on DVD forthright."
Mr. Moore, reached in Tehran, where he's planning his new documentary "To Truly Hate America, You Must Also Hate Jimmy Carter. Really" had no comment, other than punching the cameraman and demanding "DON'T YOU BASTARDS RESPECT ANYONE'S PRIVACY?" Later his spokesman issued a statement that "the fact that Mr. Moore's epic new documentary is being hailed throughout the Middle East and that Mr. Moore personally eats the livers of children murdered by Fatah thugs, does not have any bearing on the evil that is George Bush or the fact that everyone on the Today Show, noted source of journalistic integrity and objectivity that it is, loves this movie!"
YIKES! A woman of courage at last!
Rae over at Like the Language is trying to kick coffee AND twinkies at the same time!
Shiver me timbers, it hurts even thinking about it..... I remember when I went cold turkey on Diet Doctor Pepper New Years Day 1998---I felt like I had all seven dwarfs plus Gimli's tribe burrowing into my cranium via my sinus cavity using those giant drilling caterpillars that they used in "SuperFriends" to tunnel to the center of the earth to fight some bad guys (which were than cheaply stolen conceptually in Matrix Trois). Bbbblllahew.
Good luck, Rae!
Hollywood Total Access with the LLAMABUTCHERS!
We get you behind the scenes at the Fahrenheit Cast Party
"Excellency Lord Hutt, there is a man here, named Shaitan, he's here for your soul"
"BURP! Send him in! AND GET ME A BUCKET!"
(annoying robot droid noises, coupled with a sexy purr from Jabba Moore's sex slave, House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D-Looney Tunes))
That's right......Nancy Pelosi in the Princess Leia slave-girl suit....try getting THAT image out of your cornea.
I'd suggest Drain-o and a wire brush, or as Robbo would say, "it burnssss, it burnssss, hobbittses are tricksy!"
NEW BONUS FEATURE: ASK STEVE'S THERAPIST "WHAT THE EFF?"
Why did Steve pshop Nancy Pelosi (D-Venus) into the iconic pic of Princess Leia that most American men of a certain age hold a, er, certain fondness for, it being their first experience in porn? The answer, my friends, is not just that Steve the Llamabutcher is deeply, deeply, disturbed---you don't need to be a freakin' Harvard educated shrink to figure that one out! Rather, it stemmed apparently from an overwhelming desire to offend the male readership in a proportionate manner that he did earlier in the day by posting that photoshop for the A&E Pride and Prejudice mini-series, with the glaring face of professional wrestler and amateur hooligan Stone Cold "Steve" Austin over the face of Colin Firth. I've been trying to counsel him for over a year now that in civilized society, asking yourself "what WOULD Douglas MacArthur do?" is the road to unhappiness, despair, not to mention gingivitis.
As his therapist, I can only say, please, PLEASE, for the love of gawd, DON'T encourage him, or make loud noises! He needs help!
More Llama Yips!
If you direct your attention over to the right, you may notice some new additions to the Llama blogroll. As always, whether this is viewed as an honor or a badge of shame is left entirely up to the individual blogger.
First, two folks who have carried us for quite a while without my realizing it (owing to the bizarre Internet filtering here that blocks out blogrolls on other sites):
Matt Navarre is in a permanent Bad State of Gruntledness. Matt hasn't posted in a few weeks, so you might want to clap your hands and repeat over and over "I DO believe in Tinkerbell!" I'm not sure if it will do any good, but it will certainly give us all a laugh.
Then there are some more recent initiates in the world of Llama Madness:
The Techie Vampire is fond of Poisoning Pidgeons. Her writing reminds me somewhat of that line from Lawrence of Arabia where the Bedouin fighter, eyeing the retreating Turk column, says simply "No prisoners."
I guess it must be Ladies' Week here at the Butcher Shop (except in New Jersey). One of our new readers is Jen of All Things Jen(nifer). She came across us just the other day and even from here I can sense that she's wondering what she got herself into.
As always, go on over and say hello to these folks!
Yip! Yip! Yip!
YIPS from Steve: Thanks! I still can't believe people read this.
What do I think of Michael Moore and Fahrenheit 9-11?
I think this movie would have been about the equivalent, in 1944, for vulgarity and simple venomous hatred of America that his movie represents today:
Fortunately, someone would have been publicly stoned for trying something like this two and a half years after Pearl Harbor. Thomas Dewey would have been first in line to kick the director's ass. Alas, we don't live in that country anymore, rather one where Hollywood liberals would rather see more Americans die from terrorist attacks than to have a Texas Republican in the White House.
The funny thing is, given the choice, AQ would rather probably kill them first....but hey, that's just me, Mr. Vegas.