April 05, 2010

Ah, Spring! When A Middle-Aged Llama's Fancy Turns To Pestering The Missus

It's Knapp the Llama:

He’s big, for a llama: strongly built, with a coat that is long, thick and creamy-white, touched with the occasional caramel streak. His eyelashes are as luxuriant and fetching as Andy Burnham’s. He carries himself with an air of Monarch of the Glen; his head and physiognomy are of a noble aspect. Undoubtedly Knapp possesses the kingly qualities.

And, perhaps because of his relaxed air of command, this llama is exceptionally good-natured. You never see him flatten his ears back — a sign of affront or ill-humour in llamas. He has never once spat; and he is easy to catch and lead, and unafraid of human touch. He resents, it is true, his scarlet head-collar, and tries to pull it off — but I like that in him: I wouldn’t care for a head-collar either.

And Knapp’s behaviour towards his wives is (in every respect but one) unfailingly chivalrous. He lets them dip their snouts into the corn bucket first, and when they spit at him to keep him away from food, he withdraws with dignity, and stands a little way off while they feed. He never takes food from his children. Nor does he hang about or boss llama mothers and their offspring around. Knapp’s habit is to graze some 50 yards away from the women and children — but always keeping them within sight. While maintaining his distance he has an eye out for their safety at all times. On occasions when we’ve put him in a separate field he reacts with pain and agitation, stations himself at the point in the fence from which he can see them best, and stares across at them all day, vexed that he cannot be on hand to guard them. He is never happy until reunited, though the wives show little pleasure when he does come back.

I hinted, however, at a fly in the ointment. Sex. A breeding male, Knapp has embraced this role with an excess of zeal. Frankly, he has been a bit of a sex pest, and inclined (as we say in the North Midlands) to bother his wife, or wives. When (and only when) love is in the air, he becomes aggressive, even dangerous. And with him, love is often in the air.

Seems to me like some pretty reasonable expectations of marital give and take on Knapp's part. But then I'm a guy, so what do I know?

Do not tell Mrs. Robbo how the author went about dealing with this randy camelid.

Yips! to the Jurist, who sent the article along via the Tasty Bits (TM) Mail Sack.

Posted by Robert at April 5, 2010 12:27 PM | TrackBack
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