February 23, 2010

Big Dawgs

How has the human race survived the, ah, Frank-enstein menace so long without the ceaseless vigilance of the American Academy of Pediatrics?

They can build it. They have the technology. They have ... too much time on their hands?

The American Academy of Pediatrics says they're interested in designing a choke-proof hot-dog that won't be a hazard to children.

"If you were to design the perfect plug for a child's airway, you couldn't do much better than a hot dog," said Gary Smith, the policy's lead author and director of the Center for Injury Research and Policy at Nationwide Children's Hospital, to news-medical.net.

In a policy statement, “Prevention of Choking Among Children,” the AAP recommends that food manufacturers “should design new food and redesign existing foods to avoid shapes, sizes, textures and other characteristics that increase choking risk to children."

The AAP also suggests more work be done to place warning labels on high risk foods in regard to choking.

Maybe I can save everybody a lot of trouble here. My own experience with the Llama-ettes is that any foodstuffs - from hot dogs to pizza to Cheerios to maccy-cheese to peanut butter to plain water - can pose a choking hazard when shoved by a young person into his or her gaping maw in sufficient volume and with sufficient force.

So perhaps it would make sense just to cut the corner and say flat out: Food is hazardous to your health.

UPDATE: James Taranto picked up on this item today in his Best of the Web. His comment on the headline "Pediatricians call for a choke-proof hot dog"?

"Too late for Peyton Manning."

Oh, ha ha ha ha ha!!!!

Posted by Robert at February 23, 2010 09:58 AM | TrackBack

Soon, food for those under 18 will be sold only in pureed form.

Although even pureed food can cause a problem if ingested too quickly - all that snorting back out the nose.

Posted by: diane at February 23, 2010 10:33 AM

You know what, everyone who has died was born (or at least conceived). Life results in death. Ergo we must outlaw life! Starting with do-gooder nanny-staters.

Posted by: rbj at February 23, 2010 11:58 AM

I bet there's a deeper goal here. If the manufacturers don't do it voluntarily, you can bet there will be a call for regulation or litigation to compel it. And then, once you start requiring certain designer food, it's only a short step to regulating the type of food you can create or sell. Permission to create a differently-shaped hotdog will be premised on making it "healthier." PETA will insist it only be made of tofu. ADM will insist on cereal grains it sells, and so on. After all, it's for the children!

Posted by: the gripping hand at February 23, 2010 02:00 PM

There's an investment opportunity here, I think: skinless hot dog patties that fit on a hamburger bun. Move over buggy whip-makers, make room for the hot dog bun-bakers!

Posted by: Ed Flinn at February 24, 2010 09:03 AM
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