Big Dawgs

How has the human race survived the, ah, Frank-enstein menace so long without the ceaseless vigilance of the American Academy of Pediatrics?

They can build it. They have the technology. They have ... too much time on their hands?

The American Academy of Pediatrics says they're interested in designing a choke-proof hot-dog that won't be a hazard to children.

"If you were to design the perfect plug for a child's airway, you couldn't do much better than a hot dog," said Gary Smith, the policy's lead author and director of the Center for Injury Research and Policy at Nationwide Children's Hospital, to news-medical.net.

In a policy statement, “Prevention of Choking Among Children,” the AAP recommends that food manufacturers “should design new food and redesign existing foods to avoid shapes, sizes, textures and other characteristics that increase choking risk to children."

The AAP also suggests more work be done to place warning labels on high risk foods in regard to choking.

Maybe I can save everybody a lot of trouble here. My own experience with the Llama-ettes is that any foodstuffs - from hot dogs to pizza to Cheerios to maccy-cheese to peanut butter to plain water - can pose a choking hazard when shoved by a young person into his or her gaping maw in sufficient volume and with sufficient force.

So perhaps it would make sense just to cut the corner and say flat out: Food is hazardous to your health.

UPDATE: James Taranto picked up on this item today in his Best of the Web. His comment on the headline "Pediatricians call for a choke-proof hot dog"?

"Too late for Peyton Manning."

Oh, ha ha ha ha ha!!!!