November 13, 2008

Uncle, Can You Spare A Few Trillion Dimes?

Something tells me the guys over at The Nose On Your Face are into something good:

Dear Treasury Secretary Paulson, President Bush, Speaker of the House Pelosi, and members of Congress:

We are the co-executives of the uproariously funny, albeit fiscally insolvent, weblog– We specialize in made-up stories from a very partisan perspective. While we have a product that is clearly vital to the American people (see The New York Times, CBS News et al), we are completely unable to operate at a profit. It goes without saying that this has caused no shortage of problems for us and our staff, both in the workplace and at home. Until now.

It has come to our attention that there is a government program available for businesses in our-apparently far from unique- situation. You can imagine our excitement when we found out about this generous offer!

We realize that some of the other businesses have received rather substantial “loans” (wink-wink). We have carefully reviewed our books and we certainly will not require $700 billion, $25 billion, or even $10 billion. Those amounts would be on the excessive side. No, we need a mere $2.5 billion.

Obviously we don’t expect you to just give us money without knowing what it’s for. We intend to use it to cover day-to-day operations, infrastructure updates, and various incidentals.*

We hope there is not a form that we need to fill out out to receive our “loan.” We’ve been through enough. Please forward the money to our enclosed Pay Pal account.


Buckley F. Williams and RH Potfry

The Nose On Your Face

*Incidentals to include, but not limited to: machete-sharpening service for Islamic Rage Boy, Nutella immunization booster shots, and Salt & Vinegar Pringles.

I've got to get in on this gig, too. Among other things, when Steve-O went dormant, he also took with him the only key to our BlogAds account, in which I understand we've got something like $67.35. Gary, LMC and I have been living on seed filched out of birdfeeders ever since.

Posted by Robert at November 13, 2008 02:24 PM | TrackBack

They really want Nutella immunization boosters? What is wrong with those guys?

I'd love a Nutella IV instead.

Posted by: jen at November 13, 2008 04:19 PM

I've already put in my bailout request - but maybe I didn't ask for enough.

Posted by: Stephen Macklin at November 13, 2008 05:47 PM

Hilarious. I also wish to start a pet t-shirt business. I wonder if bail-outs also include start-up funds for businesses that don't yet, but will certainly someday need, bail-outs? At this point, I'm not sure the liberal illuminati would even notice, really.

Posted by: coldwarkiddo at November 15, 2008 11:32 PM