October 03, 2009

The Four Stages of Late Night Feedings

Stage 1: Denial. No, that could not have been the baby. Or, maybe she is just being fussy and will fall back asleep. Persistent, full-throated wailing makes short work of Stage 1.

Stage 2: Bargaining. Maybe Mrs. LMC will jump on this one, maybe if I play possum long enough . . . The weight of my bride's stare even in the dark eventually erodes this stage away, so we move to--

Stage 3: Depression. No question about it, it is my turn and no turn of fate will deliver me from thirty to forty-five minutes of diaper-changing, feeding, burping, wiping up spit-up, etc.

Stage 4: Acceptance. The male of the species rolls out of bed and gets to it.

Posted by LMC at October 3, 2009 07:00 PM | TrackBack

I wasn't afforded the luxury of such stages. At 5 weeks early, The Lad was sent home with a Bradi/Brachi monitor. ALong with alarms for pauses in breathing, pulse, etc., the thing had an alarm for a bad connection. The alarm tone on it was designed to not only alert the parent, but startle the infant into breathing again. That damned thing would go off if he wiggled just right and shifted a pad. I learned how fast a fat man can move.

Posted by: Boy Named Sous at October 4, 2009 02:20 AM

Well, you could have a fire / rescue station style multi-tone blast-through-your-ears, on-come-the-lights-for-five-minutes wake up call with a dispatcher doing her 'Voice Of God' routine announcing your presence at some random address..

Posted by: kmr at October 4, 2009 02:57 PM

It'll all be worth it when she's 20 and still sitting in Daddy's lap: http://www.cnn.com/2009/POLITICS/10/02/michelle.obama.olympics/

Posted by: dave.s. at October 5, 2009 11:44 AM