I Hate It When A Train-Wreck Comes Together

Our old pal the Chai-rista hasn't done a Truly Bad Film post in eons, but this might be enough to bring her out of retirement:

After months of speculation and official denials, The Hollywood Reporter confirmed that former UFC champ Quinton "Rampage" Jackson will take on Mr. T's role of B.A. Baracus in the movie adaptation of the 1980s show "The A-Team." It will be Jackson's biggest film role to date, and he beat out many other contenders for the part, including rappers Common and The Game.

Jackson joins Liam Neeson, who will play the team leader Hannibal, and Bradley Cooper, who is signed to play Faceman. Jackson recently cancelled a planned bout with Rashad Evans at UFC 107 in December to clear his schedule for the movie, which begins filming in the fall.

"The A-Team" will update the story from the show, replacing the team's Vietnam backstory with one set the Middle East. In a follow-up on Tuesday, The Hollywood Reporter said that Sharlto Copely, the breakout star of "District 9" is being considered for the team's fourth member, "Howling Mad" Murdock. Jessica Biel is also in talks to join the cast as a woman from Faceman's past who is hunting them all down. The movie is schedule for release on June 11th, 2010.

Look, I'd even go along with the updating of the backstory, but I'm sorry, there are just certain actors who own certain roles and cannot be replaced. Period. Liam Neeson in George Peppard's shoes? Are you kidding me? And who the hell is Bradley Cooper? I dunno, but he's no Dirk Benedict (the real Starbuck, also, but that's a different rant). And as for topping Dwight Schultz? No chance. Finally, how in the name of everything merciful can one replace Mr. T? Ah pity da fool who tries.

Frankly, I can't stand these remakes. (Yeah, I'm talkin' bout you too, Star Trek Reboot!) Memo to Producers and Directors: Go get your own damn stories!