November 10, 2008

AUIEG** Diary - Day 6

Dear Diary:

Still no sign.

I got wondering last night: What do Unicorns eat, exactly? Magickal sparkly hay? Or perhaps the fruit of the lollipop tree? Or is it just the sort of plain ol' Purina Equine Chow you can pick up down at the feed store?

In any case, I would imagine that Unicorns eat rayther a lot. That would get really expensive really quick if The One just dropped off Dreamy B and left all the upkeep to me. I'm sure The One would never do something like that, would he?

I notice that Vlad Putin wants a Unicorn, too. It seems to me that his Unicorn, which I'll bet he names "Tsar", would probably most like to eat former Soviet provinces and Warsaw Pact countries. Just a guess, of course. And I'm sure The One will handle that, too.



(**A Unicorn In Every Garage)

Posted by Robert at November 10, 2008 07:43 AM | TrackBack

I was given to understand the unicorn upkeep would cost everything we have, but that in return, the unicorn will process it an unlimited supply of peace, goodwill toward our fellow man and an equal, though low standard of living for everyone.

Posted by: Diane at November 10, 2008 08:00 AM

I wonder if the homes without v1rgins realize that a unicorn won't stay there. I think there will be a lot of disappointed voters who didn't read the fine print of the conditions necessary for a unicorn to live with them.

Posted by: Lynellen at November 10, 2008 08:19 AM

I don't want any unicorn! I thought our mortagages would be paid! Fuel in our gas tanks!


Posted by: GroovyVic at November 10, 2008 09:47 AM

Wait, isn't Dear Leader giving us an unlimited supply of Unicorn Chow too? The One wouldn't saddle us with a new program that winds up costs us a lot of money on an ongoing time frame, would HE (sorry God & Jesus, but you have been, ah, demoted.)?

Don't worry about v1rginity, Dear Leader will turn every one back into v1rgins. (Though honestly, going through that awkward, fumbling time is not something I want to repeat. Can't understand why the suicide bombers want 72 of them.)

And no touching the lollipop tree until you've finished your dinner.

Posted by: rbj at November 10, 2008 10:06 AM

Aw, he's too busy measuring the White House for his new rumpus room.

Posted by: GroovyVic at November 10, 2008 05:38 PM