St. Nick vs The Fat Police

In Britain's nanny-state, you already know who loses:

Santa is being told to shift the pounds before Christmas - because the obese saint is failing to set a "good example" for children.

The traditional children's hero, best known for feasting on mince pies left out on Christmas eve, has always sported a bulging midriff.

But shopping centre bosses are giving the well-wisher his marching orders - to the nearest gym - to tackle the increasing problem of obesity.

The revelation comes after a medical report earlier this month stated that by 2050 more than 50 per cent of Brits will be obese.

Bluewater shopping centre in Greenhithe, Kent, has even gone one step further and set-up a Santa boot camp.

Fiona Campbell-Reilly, spokeswoman at the shopping centre, said: "Santa has been around for years, but society has changed and our Santa needs to reflect this.

"Bluewater's Santa Boot Camp is getting Santa in shape and setting a good example to children who idolise him.

"He will still be the same lovable jolly man, but will be fitter and healthier."

Good example? Show of hands, please, for those of you who have ever heard a child say that he wanted to be fat just like Santa.

I hope St. Nick takes revenge for being robbed of his traditional, eh, "lifestyle" by turning into a cranky old bastard who spits in kids' stockings and lets his reindeer go wee-wees all over their roof-tops.