Gratuitous Domestic Self-Defense Blegging

The Missus recently unmasked her batteries by announcing that she wants to get the Llama-ettes a trampoline for Christmas.

I don't want to get the Llama-ettes a trampoline for Christmas. But since my wishes count for very little on their own, I need some back-up reasons to bolster my opposition.

So far I've got the wear & tear argument about how quickly the thing would go to pieces if left out in the rain/snow/ice/heat. I've also got the liability argument. We wouldn't put it in our yard, but rayther in the little clearing just behind the back fence. Nobody ever goes there, but at least in theory some kid could come along, bounce on the thing and break his damned neck. Then, of course, his family would clean up out.

These are strong, especially the latter, but I'm not sure they're enough. If any of you has some additional reasons why a trampoline would be a Bad Idea, I'd appreciate it if you could lend them to me.

Yip! Yip!

Dude, you are SO screwed! Yips from Steve-O: Ah yes, I've heard of the name of the trampoline company she's using, it's, "I've got yer crossing the Tiber RIGHT HERE BUDDY!"

UPDATE: While I'm at it, I'm also in the market for reasons to kybosh the Llama-ettes' fascination with Webkinz. So far as I'm concerned, it's probably either some kind of NSA surveillance op or else one ginormous identity-theft racket, but I've yet to amass enough evidence to make my case.

Safety Hazard Yips! from Gary:
Don't do it, man. Just another trigger for an ulcer. Just listen to the Canadians:

Data from the Canadian Hospitals Injury Reporting and Prevention Program (CHIRPP) showed that trampoline-related injuries almost quadrupled between 1990 and 1998. Almost 80 per cent of trampolining injuries were to children in the 5 to 14 age range. Most incidents were in the home environment, either the child’s own home or another home. An alarming 80 per cent of cases were unsupervised by a parent.

The Montreal Children's Hospital has reported that, between January and July 2004, its emergency room treated 40 trampoline-related injuries. The Children's Hospital of Eastern Ontario says it sees more than 50 patients a year for trampoline-related injuries.

The US Consumer Product Safety Commission (CPSC) has observed a similar trend. Trampoline injuries treated in hospital emergency rooms tripled during the 1990s, and there were 11 trampoline-related deaths.

The main causes of injuries are:

- colliding with another jumper;
- landing improperly while jumping or doing stunts;
- falling or jumping off of the trampoline; and
- falling onto the trampoline springs or frame and while attempting somersaults or other stunts.

We have an eight-foot one in the yard (a gift from the in-laws) and every time any of the kids used it I hovered around the perimeter like a border collie until they got off. Terrible stress inducer. Now it sits there getting worn down by the elements.

Use the Webkinz thing as a bargaining chip to put the kabosh on the trampoline. In my experience, it's a harmless phenomena and the kids get tired of them fairly quickly. Then it's on to the next fad.

UPDATE: During our usual lunchtime phone call, I sprung the liability trap on the Missus, following up with the issue of homeowner insurance premiums. She seemed taken aback a bit, and asked me to look into the insurance issue, which I promised to do. I did not promise when, however. Think I'll just put that one in File 13 for a while........