This week on 24

Tonight's episode:

Dave Barry brings us up to date:

Last week, Jack, on the trail of the suitnukes, singlehandedly invaded the Russian consulate and used a cigar cutter to lop off the tip of the pinky of the Russian consul, Markov. This turned out to be a violation of both international law and U.S. Product Safety Commission guidelines, so the Russians have taken Jack into custody. Jack may have no choice but to kill them all, because there is little time to waste: Gredenko is in the desert with Fayed putting the nukes on the drones, and once those babies are launched, it will be a matter of only a couple of months before they reach their targets.

With President Gary Payton of Your World Champion Miami Heat still suffering from a bad case of bomb-itis, Vice President Powers Boothe has taken command of the government and, as a precautionary counterterrorism measure, set fire to the U.S. Constitution. Meanwhile, disgraced ex-president Complete Handbag has reappeared in the plot, which is exciting because tonight we apparently are going to see the return of his lovely and talented former first lady. Also appearing tonight in the role of helping Jack kill Russian extras will be former child Ricky Schroeder.

So the question I posted to Dave's message board:

Jack Bauer versus Leonidas and 299 Spartans versus King Xerxes and one million Persians.

Does Jack have the greek salad or the taco platter for dinner afterwards?

Ian has the open thread going on over at Hot Air.

UPDATE: Last week, Jack Bauer invades the Russian Consulate in L.A. with the corrupt former President of the United States, where Bauer takes a cigar clipper and makes it difficult for the Russian Consul to count past nine with his shoes on.

This week, Russia decides to back off on building nukes for the Iranians:

Russia warned Iran Monday to expect delays in launching the country's first atomic power station, adding to mounting pressure on Tehran to compromise with the international community over its controversial nuclear programme. Amid signs of frustration in Moscow over Iran's combative stance, state contractor Atomstroiexport announced that Iranian financial problems mean a probable set-back in completing the power station at Bushehr in southern Iran.

"Insufficient financing of the project means that there is a real delay in the timetable. The delay will probably be two months, according to experts," Atomstroiexport spokeswoman Irina Yesipova told AFP.

Russian engineers are close to finishing Bushehr, jewel in the crown of Iran's nuclear programme, but have repeatedly postponed delivery of atomic fuel and the start-up of the reactor.

Under the latest timetable, fuel had been expected this month, with the reactor launch in September. Russian negotiators arrived in Tehran Monday to discuss resolving the financial squabble at the heart of the postponements.

A fresh delay would be a blow for Iran, coming on top of pressure from Western capitals that accuse Tehran of secret plans for an atomic weapon, as well as the possiblity of new UN sanctions.

There were even signs Monday that Russia, which has lucrative energy and weapons trade in Iran, is losing patience with its partner.

The three main Russian news agencies quoted an unnamed source close to the authorities accusing Iran of "abusing our constructive relations."

"We absolutely do not need Iran getting a nuclear bomb or the potential to make one," the "informed source" was quoted as saying. "We will not play any kind of anti-American games with them."

Concidence? Jack Bauer thinks not.

Meanwhile, back at the Ranch, new bad-ass around the block King Leonidas of Sparta has got Mach-mood's Victoria's Sekrit silky knickers in a twist:

An Iranian official on Sunday lashed out at the Hollywood movie "300" for insulting the Persian civilization, local Fars News Agency reported.

Javad Shamqadri, an art advisor to President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, accused the new movie of being "part of a comprehensive U.S. psychological war aimed at Iranian culture", said the report.

Shamqadri was quoted as saying "following the Islamic Revolution in Iran, Hollywood and cultural authorities in the U.S. initiated studies to figure out how to attack Iranian culture," adding "certainly, the recent movie is a product of such studies."

The movie's effort wound be fruitless, because "values in Iranian culture and the Islamic Revolution are too strongly seated to be damaged by such plans", said the Iranin official.

BAAAAAAUERRRRR! YOU ARE MINE!