June 30, 2006
Worst 70's Song EVAH!
As readers of my old blog, Truly Bad Films may remember, my husband Pep and I have a game were we vie to overscrape the bottom of the bad 70's song barrel, attempting to find new and neglected lows by which to nettle and horrify each other.
Pep always preaches that Paul McCartney's Silly Love Songs is the absolute worst song of the 70's. For me, the worst is divided between two songs: Afternoon Delight and Chevy Van. To the acute discomfort of those near me whilst I drink Cosmopolitans, I can - and will - sing both of these songs, in toto, back-to-back. And this is why I stopped drinking.
Last night I was reminded of the truly bottomless well of bad songs the 70's granted us as I watched the Stiller/Wilson Starsky and Hutch movie. It's a Velveeta Goldmine of ghastly, bootie-shakin' tunes. I didn't get to see all of it last night, but for the music alone, I'm already in love with this Truly Bad Film.
So, which 70's song do you nominate as your Worst 70's Song EVAH?
Yips! from Robbo: Oh, my. Their name is Legion. Two that immediately pop into my mind are "Run, Joey, Run" and "Billy, Don't Be A Hero".
More Yips! from Robbo: Two related items I wanted to pass along: First, in the category of most obscure bad 70's song, I had the 45 record of CW McCall's "Convoy," which was bad enough. But the flip side was a song called "Long Lonesome Road". Trucker ballad. Ew. Just thought it should get a mention here.
Also, at the time, my personal choice for most awful 70's song was the Stones' "Angie". My brother and I used to do a kung fu version of it, emphasizing especially the second, drawn out, "Ayeeeeeen-jeh."
Chai Yipping Back to Robbo: OMG - trucker ballads! That's a whole new sub-basement of dreck. I can't believe we had this in common - and are willing to reveal it in public - but I owned the 45 of "Convoy" too. I traded a 45 of "Killing Me Softly With His Song" with Mrs. Keysunset to get it. Talk about a lose/lose deal!
PS - How I wish you could share a home movie of kung-fu "Angie!"
Posted by Chai-Rista at June 30, 2006 11:48 AM | TrackBack"Good Morning Starshine" has to be the worst, what?
Posted by: Basil Seal at June 30, 2006 12:17 PMGawdawful - no doubt! But I think that one's from the 60's . . .
Posted by: Chai-rista at June 30, 2006 12:22 PMCan we bump "MacArthur Park" into the 70's?
Posted by: Bill from INDC at June 30, 2006 12:32 PMOh, where to begin...
Say a little prayer - Dionne Warwick
I write the songs - Barry Mannilow
Torn between two lovers - Connie Francis
Only 16 - Dr. Hook
Anything and everything by REO Speedwagon
Posted by: LB Buddy at June 30, 2006 12:35 PMI think "Seasons in the Sun" was 1970s.
It gets my vote, anyway
Posted by: STEVE at June 30, 2006 12:35 PMSeasons in the Sun
YMCA. When I lived in South Carolina, the local ballpark would play this song every game. Those who got into it the most were the Baptists (Southern, of course). Never understood why they enjoyed this paen to anonymous, promiscuous gay sex.
Posted by: rbj at June 30, 2006 12:37 PMAnything by Foreigner, but especially Double Vision.
Anything by Toto, Styx, Journey, Atlanta Rhythm Section, Hall And Oates.
Cat's In The Cradle And The Silver Spoon (whatever it was called).
Anything by bands named after cities or states or countries (Chicago, Boston, Kansas, America). Except, of course, for that great lost band, North Dakota.
The Who, from Tommy onward. I actually walked out in the middle of a Who concert in 1979. It is still one of my proudest moments.
Elton John.
Most intolerable song of the 70s: Cook Of The House, Paul McCartney and Wings (written and...oh god...sung by Linda McCartney).
Believe me, I've got more...
Posted by: Pep at June 30, 2006 12:58 PMHeh. You beat me to the punch, Robbo, with "Billy Don't Be a Hero."
How about "Gypsies, Tramps and Thieves?"
Of "The Night Chicago Died".
Or . . . dare I name it . . .
"Muskrat Love!"
Posted by: The Colossus at June 30, 2006 12:58 PMOr . .
"And the pony she named Wildfire . . . busted down his stall . . . on a cold November night . . . she ran calling Wiiiiillld . . . Fire!"
Posted by: The Colossus at June 30, 2006 01:02 PMColossus - your Wiiiiildfire reference just ran all over me like wasabi. hahaha!! Thanks.
Posted by: Chai-rista at June 30, 2006 01:05 PMI beg to differ. Ever since "Anchorman," the song "Afternoon Delight" has become on of the greatest of all time.
Then again, I have mental problems, man.
Posted by: Sobek at June 30, 2006 02:14 PM"Afternoon Delight" is close to the top of the crap-heap. And "Wildfire" is up there too, no doubt about it. But I'm surprised nobody's mentioned "Sometimes When We Touch," by Dan Hill. Just to refresh your memories, here's the first verse and the chorus:
You ask me if I love you
And I choke on my reply
I'd rather hurt you honestly
Than mislead you with a lie
And who am I to judge you
On what you say or do?
I'm only just beginning to see the real you
And sometimes when we touch
The honesty's too much
And I have to close my eyes and hide
I wanna hold you til I die
Til we both break down and cry
I wanna hold you till the fear in me subsides
That touching ode to cannibalism.....Timothy.
Posted by: Mike at June 30, 2006 03:11 PMUtron - you just reminded me of one of my favorite throw-away lines, albeit from an 80's song:
He: You ask me do I love you. Does the Pope live in the woods? Quod erat demonstrandum, baby!
She: Ooooh, you speak French!
(I'm sure I don't need to I.D. the song!)
That very song came up on my Pandora station yesterday.
Posted by: The Colossus at June 30, 2006 04:03 PMAh yes, Robbo. "Airhead." Gotta love the Dolby.
That line reminded me of one of my own favorite quotes from the '70s, when Schneider on One Day at a Time was hitting on some floozy and called her "Mademoiselle."
"Ooh, do you speak French?" she asked him.
"Schneider replied suavely, "un poquito."
Posted by: utron at June 30, 2006 04:55 PMMock-
-ing
Bird
Yeah!
Of course, I was but a mere child in the 70's...
Posted by: GroovyVic at June 30, 2006 05:07 PMI'm sorry folks, its time to nuclear...
Absolutely anything by "Air Supply". I hear that stuff and I want to put knitting needles in my ears.
Too many to choose, too many to choose!
And altho this song contains the most memorable, and I mean that in the sense that they are permanently burned into my memory regardless of how much other music I use to scrub them out, I must nominate a song that I associate in so many ways to a particular time and place -
"Fly, Robin, Fly."
Fly, Robin, Fly
Up, Up to the sky!
Sometimes When We Touch, Mockingbird and Fly, Robin, Fly . . . AWRG!!! I'm in pain!
The humanity . . .
Posted by: Chai-rista at July 1, 2006 07:01 AMI am shocked, appalled, and disgusted with every single commenter thus far.
How could all you people all miss THE ABSOLUTE WORST SCHLOCKY SONG FROM THE 70'S?
Escape/The Pina Colada Song.
Now if you'll excuse me, I need to drive an icepick through my eardrums...
J.
Posted by: Jay Tea at July 1, 2006 09:23 AMI submit for your consideration:
Copacabana (At the Copa) - Barry Manilow
Delta Dawn - Helen Reddy
Leave Me Alone (Ruby Red Dress) - Helen Reddy
Angie Baby - Helen Reddy
Gawd, I hate that Helen Reddy - nails across the blackboard would be heaven by comparison. A truly potent combo of putrid lyrics and overblown delivery every time.
My skin is crawling (come back skin, I need you).
Posted by: Mr. keysunset at July 1, 2006 01:47 PMSorry, everybody. At the diner this morning, Chai and I assembled the Doomsday Bomb of bad 70s songs, the 80 ton thermonuclear weapon wrapped in Cobalt, the one Charlton Heston detonated at the end of Planet Of The Apes II.
You don't need to know the name of it. Just remember, back to the early 70s, being beside the pool, and hearing this come out of somebody's transistor radio:
Chick-a-boom, Chick-a-boom
Don't you just love it?
Chick-a-boom, Chick-a-boom,
Don't you just love it?
Chick-a-boom, Chick-a-boom,
Don't you just love it?
Chick-a-boom, Chick-a-boom-boom-boom!
Apes and man, now both extinct. It's up to the cockroaches now...
;-)
Posted by: Pep at July 1, 2006 04:00 PMAn even worse trucker song than "Convoy" was Red Sovine's "Teddy Bear" which actually spent three weeks at the top of the country charts in 1976. This song really makes you want to puke.
Teddy Bear by Red Sovine:
I was on the outskirts of a little southern town
Tryin' to reach my destination
Before the sun went down
The old CB was blarin' away on channel 1-9
When there came
A little boy's voice on the radio line
And he said
Breaker 1-9
Is anyone there
Come on back truckers
And talk to Teddy Bear
Well I keyed the mike and said
You got it
Teddy Bear
And a little boy's voice came back on the air
Preciate the break
Who we got on that end
I told him my handle
And then he began
Now I'm not supposed to bother you fellows out there
Mom says you're busy
And for me to stay off the air
But you see
I get lonely and it helps to talk
'Cause that's about all I can do
I'm crippled
And I can't walk
I came back and told him to fire up that mike
And I'd talk to him
As long as he liked
This was my dad's radio
The little boy said
But I guess it's mine and mom's now
'Cause my daddy's dead
Dad had a wreck about a month ago
He was trying to get home in a blindin' snow
Mom has to work now
To make ends meet
And I'm not much help
With my two crippled feet
She says not to worry
That we'll make it alright
But I hear her crying
Sometimes late at night
You know there's one thing
I want more than anything else to see
Aw, I know you guys are too busy to bother with me
But you see
My dad used to take me for rides
When he was home
But.... I guess that's all over now
Since my daddy's gone
Not one breaker came on the old CB
As that little crippled boy
Talked with me
I tried hard to swallow
A lump
That just wouldn't stay down
As I thought about my boy
Back in Greenville Town
Dad was going to take mom and me with him
Later on this year
Why l remember him saying
Someday this old truck will be yours Teddy Bear
But I know I'll never get to ride an 18-wheeler again
But this old base will keep me in touch
With all my trucker friends
Teddy Bear's gonna back on out now
And leave you alone
'Cause it's about time for
Mom to come home
But you give me a shout when you're passin' through
And I'll sure be happy to come back to you
Well I came back and I said
Uh...Before you go 10-10
What's your home 20
Little CB friend
Well he gave me his address
And I didn't once hesitate
'Cause this hot load of freight
Was just gonna have to wait
I turned that truck around on a dime
And headed straight for Jackson Street, 229
And as I rounded the corner
Oh I got one heck of a shock
l8 wheelers were lined up for three city blocks
Why I guess every driver for miles around
Had caught Teddy Bear's call
And that little crippled boy was having a ball
For as fast as one driver would carry him in
Another would carry him to his truck
And take off again
Well you better believe
I took my turn at riding Teddy Bear
And then I carried him back in
And put him down in his chair
And buddy if I never live to see happiness again
I want you to know
I saw it that day
In the face of that little man
We took up a collection for him
Before his mama got home
And each driver said goodbye
And then they all were gone
He shook my hand with a mile-long grin
And said
So long trucker
I'll catch ya again
Well I hit the Interstate
With tears in my eyes
I turned on the radio
And I got another surprise
Breaker 1-9
Came a voice on the air
Just one word of thanks
From Mama Teddy Bear
We wish each and every one
A special prayer for you
Cause, You just made my little boy's
Dream come true
I'll sign off now
Before I start to cry
May God ride with ya
10-4
And goodbye
urp, running for the commode.
Posted by: Mr. keysunset at July 1, 2006 08:07 PM "Heart Beat" by the Defranco Family. Sort of poor man's "ABC" by the Jackson Five.
Mr. Keysunset - You are a cruel, cruel man.
Posted by: Chai-Rista at July 4, 2006 02:25 PM"Angie", hands down, no contest.
Posted by: D. Carter at July 6, 2006 05:24 PM
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