The Berenstain Bears Shiv Mom And Dad In The Back

We seem to have most of the Berenstain Bears books in the Llama-ettes' library. As a general rule, I find them annoying but harmless and am even not much bothered by the fact that Momma is the wise one and Papa is something of a dope. Plus, the Llama-ettes go through periods of enjoying having them read at bedtime.

But there is one Berenstain Bear book that drives me absolutely up the wall:

The Berenstain Bears Get The Gimmies.

Why is this book so evil? Well, I'll tell you. The basic plot is that, owing to too much parental indulgence, Brother and Sister Bear turn into spoiled little monsters, "gimmy-ing" everything in sight. The climax of this comes when they have full-scale meltdowns in the supermarket parking lot over some nasty little toys. Papa is so shocked and so furious over their behavior that he decides it's time to lower the proverbial boom.

So far, so good. And I always read both the narrative description of the Cubs' awful behavior and Papa's harsh reaction with particular emphasis for the benefit of the Llama-ettes.

But then the trouble begins. Just as Papa is about to institute draconian reform, along come Grizzly Gramps and Grandma. First, they completely undermine Papa's moral authority by reminding him (within the hearing of the cubs) that he was as bad as them in his day. Then they suggest a hair-brained plan: in order to keep the kids from gimmy-ing everything in sight when they go out, agree ahead of time that each of them gets to choose one treat per outing.

In other words, buy them off!

The book ends with the Gramps n' Gran Plan being implemented to the satisfaction of all parties involved.

As I say, I've no problem with most of the BB books, as they generally offer sensible solutions to life's little everday problems. But I think Stan & Jan went seriously off the reservation with this one. Giving the kiddies one free treat per outing in order to stave off tantrums is the equivalent of paying tribute to the barbarians so they won't sack your town. It doesn't correct the behavior, it simply puts a value on the threat of such behavior and transfers that value into the pockets of the original offenders. What kind of lesson is that?

I know, I know. You're asking, "But Tom, if you don't like the book, why do you read it to your children?"

Well, as I say, I like the first part. And the "galloping greedy gimmies" has become a useful part of the domestic lexicon.

So how do I get around the ending? Well, it's too late to invent an alternate, so I've fallen back on delivering a little homily on why Gramps and Gran are wrong and that really nice children don't automatically expect a prize for good behavior. I probably haven't convinced the Llama-ettes of the Bear Family's foolishness, but at least I've made it pretty clear that there is no way we are going to institute the Gramps n' Gran Plan in our house.

UPDATE: Because I keep getting asked, I should explain that calling myself "Tom" in our audience's voice is a variation on an old Dave Letterman joke. Back in the early days, he'd have the president of NBC (Grant Tinker, I believe) come out and make some pat little booster speech on occassion and Tinker would always call Dave "Tom". The idea is to play up a bit on my lowly status. (Well, I find it amusing.)