The Latest Salvo in the Lawn Wars

or, why real men say NYET to Scotts.

Later in the day, I've got a longer piece on the Lawn Wars in my neighborhood that I want to put up. I've learned secondhand that my nickname on the part of some of my neighbors is "Tom Joad" because apparently they've determined my lawn is the dust bowl. Actually, it was related to me as "Tom Toad" since the person is a little light in the loafers when it comes to actual non-made for tee-vee knowledge of Americun literatchur. It's okay, since his boy is a bona fide lead paint chip dorito eating holy terror. Life's funny that way.

I will say this, though--what makes the Lawn Wars completely tolerable is that the best landscaping--lawn plus gardens---on the street by far, hands down, is done by some of our most favorite people in the whole world, Dennis and Sarah. Now, I'm not just saying that because Sarah is an occasional LLama Reader, but rather because the woman just has an absolute eye for it---the color combinations, texture, height, seasons, the works. Dennis has green feet--everywhere he walks, the grass follows lush and beautiful. It's a talent combined with a lot of hard work, kind of like one of our neighbors who makes really great furniture in his garage. But they are absolutely cool about it, and the whole effect screams out that they are doing it because they love it, not as a vicious one-upsmanship.

Anyhoo, for those who are petty about such things, I'm going to reply cordially with this article, for surely it would explain the source of their true, umm, envy.

(For more on our neighborhood Lawn Wars, check out Scott's take---that's Scott Peterson, not evil lawn fertilizer/Mr. Happy reducing Scott's Corporation of EVIIIIIIILLLLL). And tha's Scott Peterson of Batman fame---not of wife and baby slashing to hang out with dorky clueless sluts played in the tee-vee movie by that really annoying chick from the West Wing Donna or Darla or something Scott Peterson.

Because, as Left of the Dial readers now know, while Germans love David Hasselhoff, Indonesians love Scott Peterson.