May 01, 2006
Random Commuter Observations
Most of the gangs of tourons I have to plow through on the way to the office are made up of seedy-looking teenagers (a redundancy, I suppose). I often long to meet a group of adults. They would understand something about basic sidewalk courtesy. They would know to line up against the wall while waiting their turn at the Hard Rock Cafe brekkers.
Well, so much for that.
The group I smacked into this morning outside the Hoover F.B.I. HQ were all oldsters - a veritable sea of gray hair, wrap-around sunglasses and K-Mart windbreakers. And damme if they weren't just as oblivious to the needs of the passers-by as any snot-nosed adolescent. One guy was standing right in the middle of the fairway, blocking traffic and reading the bloody newspaper, for all love. Apparently, he'd also turned off his hearing aid.
The English language has all kinds of wonderful collective nouns. With birds, for example, we can speak of a "parliament of owls", a "murder of crows" and many others. It occurred to me that, if it hasn't already been done, somebody needs to come up with a suitable expression to describe a group of tourons. I thought of a few:
A kudzu of tourons
An entropy of tourons
A lemming-run of tourons
A stagflation of tourons
Or the very simple:
A pain of tourons.
What do you think? Any ideas?
UPDATE: I just thought of a retina-burn of tourons in honor of those groups who choose to wear violently brightly colored shirts in order to keep track of each other.
Let me just clarify that there is a distinction between touron (a confabulation of tourist and moron) and tourist. Tourists are fine. I've got nothing against people coming to visit Our Fair City provided they behave themselves with ordinary courtesy.
And I really like a fannypack of tourons. Heh.
Posted by Robert at May 1, 2006 08:11 AM | TrackBackAn "irritant" of tourons.
A "fannypack" of tourons.
An "oblivious" of tourons.
BTW, speaking of collective nouns for groups of animals, my favorite of all time is a "business" of ferrets.
Posted by: Bill from INDC at May 1, 2006 08:39 AMI have always loved a "murder of crows"
For tourons:
A "smell" of tourons
A "riot" of tourons
A "moron" of tourons
A "suck" of tourons
Posted by: Basil Seal at May 1, 2006 09:28 AMI'm fond of "a crash of rhinos".
Just to clarify, do you distinguish between "Tourons" and better-mannered tourists? Because I've always wanted to see our nation's capital (emphasis on OUR), but if I'm going to be a bother, I'll just look at the picktchers.
Posted by: Brian B at May 1, 2006 09:45 AMI second moron of tourons.
Posted by: Rachel at May 1, 2006 09:45 AMHard to top a Stagflation...
A Sans clue of Tourons
A Lobotomy of Tourons
An Oxygen Sink of Tourons
Funny you should mention this, because I was making a very similar complaint this weekend to my wife as we were attempting to eat a late breakfast at our local oldster magnet, the Cracker Barrel restaurant. A "choir" of oldsters blocked our entrance/exit. Mrs. C. asked me why I chose the term "choir" as my plural term -- I said that it was because if they didn't move, they'd be joining the choir invisible.
I also mentioned that my friends and I used to make up these plurals when we were in college (my favorite was "a pride of priests" to describe some of the residents/faculty of my Catholic university).
And of course, we were once prevented entry into a fashionable Chicago nightclub by an elegant, (highly politically incorrect) "gaggle of fags" outside. Naturally, this was back in the day where such utterances were not punishable by exclusion from polite society, as they are today.
A "bus" of tourons.
A "mosh" of tourons.
A "flag" of tourons.
and a nod to "fannypack"...
Brian B -
"but if I'm going to be a bother, I'll just look at the picktchers."
Just avoid using the subway between 8-9AM, or if you absolutely must -
STAND TO THE M*$#@#%&$&@&**** RIGHT.
Please.
Posted by: Bill from INDC at May 1, 2006 09:57 AM(on the escalator, that is)
Posted by: Bill from INDC at May 1, 2006 09:58 AMDuly noted.
Posted by: Brian B at May 1, 2006 10:05 AMI've been reading more Wodehouse golf stories of late. How about a wrecking crew of tourons?
Posted by: Jordana at May 1, 2006 10:09 AMI say, top hole!
Posted by: Robbo the LB at May 1, 2006 10:23 AMA "clog" of tourons.
Posted by: Eric J at May 1, 2006 11:00 AMAn ooze of turons.
A pestilence of turons.
A gawk of turons.
A blockade of turons.
And...
A giggle of schoolgirls.
A brash of schoolboys.
Posted by: leelu at May 1, 2006 07:23 PMI like "gawk!"
Posted by: Bill from INDC at May 1, 2006 09:05 PM"The Return of the Tourons"
Posted by: nuthin2seehere at May 2, 2006 03:55 AMI thought we already had one: "busload"
Posted by: Jeff at May 2, 2006 12:36 PMThis is the only place other than the glossary of a rock climbing book that I've seen the word "touron" used.
I'd suggest a Brochure of Tourons.
Posted by: Beck at May 2, 2006 03:28 PM
Image courtesy of the lovely and talented 