If Llamas Were Meant To Fly....

A very unhelpful office mate sent me this article:

'We're Going To Crash!' Updated: 16:08, Tuesday February 28, 2006

A stewardess caused panic by repeatedly screaming "We're going to crash" when a packed plane hit turbulance.

The Virgin flight hit bad weather three hours into a journey from Gatwick to Las Vegas.

Some passengers were sick and others thrown from their seats as luggage, drinks and trays were tossed around.

Those using the toilet at the time were stuck in the cubicle while others prayed and cried.

And their ordeal was intensified by the screaming stewardess.

Passenger Paul Gibson told The Daily Mirror: "She began screaming every time the plane shook.

"She shouted at the top of her voice, 'We're going to crash! We're going to crash! We're going to crash!"

The un-named woman - in her mid 20s - also lobbed sick bags across the cabin when poorly passengers screamed for more.

Crew members say it was the worst turbulance they had encountered.

A spokesman for Virgin said no complaint had been received.

"Turbulance can be a very frightening ordeal," he added.

No shiite, Sherlock.

Honestly, even when there aren't any bumpies, I'm convinced that the stress of flying knocks a quantifiable amount of time off of my life-span each time I have to do it. Something like this probably would put me in a pine box.

As I've said before, mine is not the rational fear of falsified maintenance records, terrorist attacks, bad weather or pilot error. Instead, it is the completely irrational fear that only a supreme effort of will and my claw-like grip on the armrest keeps the wings from falling off.

In this respect, I find the complaisance of my fellow passengers down-right infuriating. Fools! I think. Don't they understand? Don't they appreciate how close they are to the edge of oblivion? Are they so gob-smackingly stupid that they can't recognize the danger they're in?

It occured to me this time around that I face a looming problem: Sooner or later, the Llama-ettes are going to be introduced to air travel, possibly as soon as next spring. On the one hand, I can't expect the Missus to deal with them single-handedly. On the other, I have grave doubts whether I can maintain an air of impassive cheerfulness in front of them. The last thing I want to do is inflict my crazies on their impressionable young minds.

UPDATE: Of course, the sole benefit of spending most of a flight attempting to keep panic at arm's length is that I rarely pay any attention to the bloody uncomfortableness of it all.