I've been where you are about the music thing. I decided to give up performing on the guitar to just compose - and I did, for nearly five years. My rationale was a common one: There are SO many guitarists who can play better than I can. My talent for the instrument is really marginal, and I've been aware of that fact for decades. In contrast, I can compose beyond my ability to play as easily as falling off a log.

But, every direction I turned there was a subtle or not-so-subtle message fom God telling me, in effect, "nobody can play your music better than you can." So, with a big sigh and a renewed determination, I picked the instrument up again three years ago this month. Pretty amazing progress: After six months I was gigging regularly again; after two years, I signed a management contract. Now, three years later, I'm a better player and a more confident performer than I ever was before... and I'm forty-nine years old.

About the church/spirituality thing, I can't really help you. I had myself baptized and confirmed as a Missouri Synod Lutheran as a thirty-one year old adult: I made the correct choice. LCMS Lutherans are very conservative and biblically based - not even female pastors, much less gay ones - and I really like that. If there's a single democrat in my congregation, I'd be shocked to find out. We're all ranchers and deer hunters out here. Good, solid peeps.

BTW: Behind Berklee College of Music is the Church of Saint Cecilia (A Catholic establishment, obviously). They had a great, rich, well manacured lawn when I was there (1980-1983), and we used to go there to eat lunch during the warmer months when the weather was nice: Right in the shaddow of Saint Cecilia's statue. I always felt at peace there, and I look back on that point in my life as the beginning of my Christian walk.

In 1981 I went to see Billy Graham at Boston College, and that was it. His words and deeds evicerated me to the core. I love that guy. I really mean that.

These kinds of uphevals are nothing but blessings in disguise and opportunities for renewal. Be happy about it.

St. Fiacre is the patron saint of gardens.

http://www.catholic-forum.com/saints/saintf13.htm

Although St. Benedict has also always seemed appropriate to me, given the history of monasticism and agriculture, particularly viticulture -- many of the vineyards of Italy and France are on the sites of former monasteries.

St. Francis might be good for persuading the deer to leave your plants alone, too.

To your more serious point, though, my concern when I die is not so much the sins of comission as the sins of omission. I think the interview will go something like this: the Lord will show me all of the sins I have committed, and I will say, "Yes lord, these are things that I have confessed, for which you have already forgiven me."

Then he'll draw back the other curtain and show me all the things I failed to do, and what my life might have been had I simply done his will, and I will be able to do nothing but weep.

Robbo,

Welcome once again to Holy Mother Church. On the current state of ECUSA, I've watched with sadness the downward spiral, while hoping it will pull out before it was too late. Though I will die a Roman Catholic, I've been cheering for the traditional Episcopalians (sort of like cheering for favorite team in another football Conference).

I was married in a Colonial Era Episcopal Church, to the beautiful service of the 1928 Book Of Common Prayer. Although hopefully it will be many years before it will be necessary, perhaps the Catholic priest at my funeral, could weave in some of the 1928 BCP graveside service.

Instead of starting another blog, why not just add your voice to the quasi-Catholic cacophany at Patum Peperium? I'm sure Mrs. P would love to have you...

As to piano, I was very quickly cured of my "that's good enough" attitude when I began study under a concert pianist in college. He was a perfectionist, and, among other things, we spent an entire semester working on Chopin's Harp Etude until I could play the whole thing through without making a *single* mistake.

Thankee for all your thoughts. I really must learn to stop blogging after that last glass of wine, because I'm invariably embarrassed by all that naked emotions stuff the next day.

Coloss - St. Francis? He'd open the gate and invite the varmints in! Who's the patron of hunters?

Hucbald - Oh, I am happy, b'lieve me.

Christine - Nice of you to suggest a place at PP, but really, I have to box to my own weight.

KMR - Yeah, that's the thing. TEC was a beautiful ship in her day. But she just isn't strong enough against the forces battering her now. I could have tried to grab a seat in one of the lifeboats, but in the end, I figured I'd be swimming for the Rock anyway, so why not go ahead and do it now?

You'll do fine, Robbo. Welcome to Rome!

Patron saint of hunters is St. Hubert.

http://www.thecross-photo.com/Hubert-Patron_Saint_of_Hunters-Written_by_Mitch_Ballard.htm

Also the patron saint of Jaegermeister, naturally.

Dang it, Coloss! That was going to be the first research project from the Catholic Source Book that Father M just gave me!

I was also going to look whether there was a patron of smartasses to watch over Llama Central. I can't find one, but St. Vitus covers commedians, so I guess that's close enough.

May God bless you, Robbo. I'm a cradle Episcopalian who went through an indifferent Methodist phase before getting saved as a Presbyterian (PCA) and finally coming back, for the past decade, to a conservative 1928 BCP church that is part of the Reformed Episcopal Church. The REC is a good little lifeboat that's been bobbing along since 1873.

All that said, I understand the pull of Rome. There are some Romish doctrines that I choke on, but the emotional tug is certainly present. I would not be amazed if I find myself, in a few years' time, where you are now.