Great movie idea: The Pasturized

Can't make this stuff up:

If it weren't happening to him and his neighbors, Joe Amons would think it was "funny as all get-out."

But there's nothing amusing about dressing for work and then stepping in a cow pie on the way to the car. Or finding your ornamental grass and pretty bougainvilleas munched down to the nubs. Or waking up to the jarring sound of, "Moooo!"

This is the nightmare that some Tampa Palms homeowners have been dealing with for four months: Cows. Lots of them. Trampling all over their nice lawns and destroying plants in their gated townhouse community called Palma Vista

First they come for your landscaping, then they come for you:

Woman speaks of cow attack horror The cows surrounded the woman in a 'scrum' A woman has told how she was attacked by cows as she walked along a footpath in a Derbyshire field. Judy Merryfield from Ashford-in-the Water was trampled by the herd as she walked her dog near Little Longstone.

She suffered a punctured lung, broken ribs and severe bruising to her face when she was knocked down, kicked and stamped on by the cows.

Farmers warn that new right to roam rules will increase the risk of animals and people being injured.

I was clutching my stomach and gasping - it felt as though it was going to split open
Judy Merryfield, cow attack victim
Ms Merryfield said the cows set upon her and her dog Rosie, who was on a lead, during the attack earlier this year.

"Before I knew it one of the cows actually started charging towards me," she said.

"The next thing I knew I was flat on my back, there was a great amount of bellowing and the many other cows joined in.

"I found myself in what felt like a scrum being butted and kicked.

"The first cow charged at me again, bellowing in my face and jumped on my stomach at which point I screamed as I was in a lot of pain."

The scream frightened off the herd and Ms Merryfield managed to escape.

"I was clutching my stomach and gasping - it felt as though it was going to split open."

'Placid creatures'

Attacks of this nature are extremely rare, according to experts in the field.

Jim Turvey, farm manager at Brackenhurst Agricultural College in Nottinghamshire said: "In general cows are placid, gentle creatures, in 24 years I've never been hurt by one or felt threatened by one.

"But, I have seen them go for dogs and it's a problem that is going to get worse with the right to roam, farmers and walkers are going to have to bear it in mind.

"You can't stop people walking their dogs along footpaths."

Ms Merryfield was rushed to hospital in Chesterfield where she was treated for her injuries.

She is now warning other walkers to be more careful, advising that cows with calves are "particularly aggressive".

Eat mor chikin, indeed.

Then there's this: the Great American Spy Cow

What is the American Spy Cow and the MFAOP? The American spy cow is the newest addition to a series of radio controlled robotic farm animals which were developed by Armorobotech Weapons, Inc. for the US Army's Military Farm Animal Operations Program or MFAOP to innocently walk into enemy territory where they would be mistaken for real harmless farm animals. The program was first used during the gulf war when explosive chickens were used to attack people and buildings in enemy cities. After the war MFAOP was used by the FBI to track down and chase dangerous criminals.