Gratuitous Domestic Posting (TM) - Home Improvement Division - ***Now With Rolling Updates!*** EXTRA---DEATHRACE 3000 FEATURE ADDED! ***FRIDAY AFTERNOON BUMP, AS WELL!!***

The ineffable logic of the Goddess of the Hearth states that because this is Presidents' Day weekend, I must repaint the front hall. It's a pain in the neck: although the hall is not that big, it has six separate doorways, all of them surrounded by molding. Ditto the ceiling. And did I mention that repainting the hall also entails repainting the stairwell rising up from it?

It's a great ego enhancer for a young man just starting out on the long matrimonial hike to be able to demonstrate to his bride his handiness about the house, but experience and reflection reveal that this is, in reality, a trap. Once you get a reputation for being able to deal with most light domestic improvement jobs yourself, you're doomed, doomed! I tell ye'.

I should have paid more attention to my father-in-law early on. He could easily spend an hour looking for the on/off switch on a screwdriver. Nobody expects him to paint. In my moodier moments, I sometimes wonder whether this isn't a deliberate con job on his part.

UPDATE: Make that seven doorways - I forgot about the coat closet.

I gave up going through all the business of masking the molding a long time ago, as I found that a) it's an enormous waste of time b) it often doesn't do any good and c) it can frequently create more of a mess than it was designed to prevent. Instead, I just free-hand it using a brush with a sharp edge. If the results are not perfect, razor sharp lines then so be it - there are so many dings and glitches in the construction that such a result would be nearly impossible anyway.

COFFEE BREAK UPDATE: Well, only two and a half hours to go round all the edges with the first coat. (As I said, there's a helluva lot of trim.) One more time around (or so I hope) and then it's off to the roller. I'm using a Laura Ashley brand paint this time. I've had a horror of designer label brands ever since a miserable experience with some Ralph Lauren paint a few years back, but this seems to be going on tolerable smooth.

As I've gone round, I've realized that conscience isn't going to let me get away without seriously touching up the trim, if not outright redoing it. Too much wear and tear, dings and dangs, most of it child-related, although one of our cats continues to insist that door molding makes a wonderful scratching post as well. (This is the same cat who seems to feel that as long as I'm lying on the floor painting along the baseboards, I really ought to be petting her.)

When the Missus went off to school this morning, she had a very familiar look of satisfaction on her face to see me going to it. Our Llama Military Correspondent likes to refer to her as The Contessa, and there's much to be said for this - she loves having men doing work for her (she's also of Mediterranean stock, so the language fits). We still talk about one glorious day a few years back when she had me on one job, our handyman and his helper doing another and an electrician down in the basement rewiring the lights. However, in her defense, I'll also say a) that the odd jobs I do around the house are nothing compared to the amount of work she puts in running the place and b) that she is genuinely appreciative of my efforts.

Well, back to the trenches......

YIPS from Steve-O: Meanwhile, about 150 miles south at Stately LLama Manor, Steve-O is sitting at the kitchen table, eat a bowl of chili and drinking a mug of hot berry zinger tea with honey for lunch, all while grading the first stack of essays for the semester. Who will finish first: Robbo and his hall painting, or Steve-O and his grading? It looks like America's Great Race Weekend is kicking off in high fashion.

Frankly, Ladies and Gentlemen, it doesn't get much better than this!

FURTHER YIPS from Steve-O: The stage is set for DeathRace 3007--AmeriKKKa's Great Camelid Lil Satan's Household Chore-off.

Gentlemen, start your red pens.

Mr. Hat Bring-It-On! Update From Robbo:

This is my o-fficial home improvement hat, one that I've had for nigh on twenty years from my glory days as a bag-boy. I used to wear it for all domestic chores, inside and out. However, when the Nats came to town two years back, I quickly adopted a Nats Road-Trip cap as my gardening/lawn-mowing chapeau. This one still rules for all other jobs.

Tradition and ritual are important.

Why do I post this? Because I just got done with the second trip round the trim, I'm about to start using the roller on the main surface, I've got nothing in my stomach but a pot of coffee and I've been huffing paint fumes for five hours, that's why. (I can hear the Contessa now: "What? You haven't got time to eat but you've got time to blog?" Priorities, Woman!)

Gratuitous Cranky Musickal Update: Listening to the radio as I paint, I'm reminded again how tedious I find Rachmoninoff. It's one thing for a composer's ego to come out in his music. It's another thing to believe, as Rachmoninoff did, that music should be a reflection of one's ego. Humph.

Oh, and when the movie Shine came out, I got mighty sick mighty fast of people referring to the "Rach 3." I never saw the film but I understand it was something of an exploitative snow job. I do know this - I heard David Helfgott performing live on the radio once and "embarrassing" is the only word I can come up with to describe the performance.

UPDATE NEXT: Done! Well, not "done" done - I still have the stairway to do (including the spooky standing on tall ladder bit) and then I have to go back and do considerable touch-up on the trim, but you know what I mean. And damme if the first thing the Llama-ettes don't do when they get home will be to get their grimy mitts all over the walls!