24 Update

Tonight is a two hour special double feature, billed by Fox as "1-3 PM, AKA Naptime---Jack Bauer, fresh from eighteen months in tortuous (ie non-"
let's play InSync for 30 hours straight and Sully will call it torture" torture) Chinese prison, and an 18 hour flight back to the US where he landed at 6 AM, after having bitten some guy's Adam's Apple off (sounds dirty, but it was just gross) after not flossing for that extended stay in Club Mao, after having shot his best friend, blown up, nuked, and had a small helicopter almost fall on him, after torturing his brother to death by a painful injection of concentrated essence of Bloomin' Onion straight to the aorta, is ready for a little nappy.

Here's Dave Barry's summary so far:

Jack's brother, Baldy, is gone, having been lovingly whacked last week by Jack's father, Farmer Hoggett, but not before being lovingly tortured by Jack. (There is a lot of love in the Bauer family.) Jack's dad is definitely a bad guy, but Jack does not know this, being apparently unaware of the fact that his dad has been a bad guy in pretty much every movie he was ever in except Babe.

Jack now has to find Morris, who was captured by McCarthy last week for delivery to Evil Terrorist Mastermind For Now Fayed, who will coerce Morris -- possibly by threatening to bring Audrey back into the plot -- into programming the triggers for the remaining suitcase nuclear bombs, which apparently run Windows Vista because nobody knows how to program them. We know from last week's previews that Jack will wind up trying to deactivate one of the suitcase nukes tonight, but we don't know whether he will succeed, or be blown into tiny nuclear smithereens, which will then reassemble themselves and call Chloe, because there is no way you are taking out Jack Bauer with a mere nuclear blast.

Meanwhile President Gary Payton of Your World Champion Miami Heat and his aides and generals and random cabinet extras continue to engage in important yet meaningful wooden dialogue concerning the constitutional ramificationzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz Whoops, sorry. We have also learned that the vice president, who is in cahoots with the Ally McBeal Weenie, is Deadwood Mayor Powers Boothe, which should be interesting because on Deadwood he cannot sneeze without dropping -- speaking of suitcase nukes -- the F-bomb.

The Walid-and-Sandra subplot continues to stagger lifelessly forward. Speaking of lifeless: Edgar and Kumar are still dead.

Someone with TIVo or DVR needs to send me the clip of Jack's Dad killing his son, if only so we can add the tag line "That will do, Pig."

Bonus points for Powers Boothe making his entrance as the VP, because we all know that creates an easy connection to Red Dawn, with only an easy skip then to Escape from New York. And our suggestion for the Jack/Jack's Dad plotline from last spring: