February 11, 2007

That's My Church!


"All things bright and beautiful,
All creatures great and small,
All things wise and wonderful,
The Church Fuzz nicked them all!"

No, Leicester isn't dead on the landing, but my bloviations here have been found out by the diocese and my parish. (The details are still a bit hazy, but apparently I got quoted by the Secessionists in a letter to the Bishop. Sooper sekret message: thanks for nothing, guys!) According to the wardens who visited me this evening, I will be a topic of discussion at tomorrow night's vestry meeting. Robbo hits the Big Time at last. Wish me luck.

The issue isn't so much content, but the fact that I've been doing pretty much what I'm doing right now without disclosing it to anybody. Fair enough, I suppose, and I intend to come clean.

Man: "It's a fair cop, but Society is to blame."
Detective Parson: "Agreed. We'll be charging them, too."

However, I also said that I intend to keep at it. If I get poked with the soft cushions, so be it. (Yes, I know I'm switching allusions, probably in violation of section tiddly-pom of the Monty Python Riffs Act. But I've finally achieved Bad Boy status. And it feels gooooood!) HOWEVER, just to make perfectly clear that this blog in no way represents the O-fficial opinion of my vestry, my parish, the local clergy, the diocese, anybody else in the ECUSA or my long-lost Uncle Dave who believed in a Constitutional right to free love and government-issued marijuana, I also said that I would tack a disclaimer onto each of my future posts regarding the current trials and tribulations of the Church. I can't think of a better model than the disclaimer that we, er, already have posted over to the right, so I will simply borrow from it:

All opinions expressed on this weblog are those of the authors (and their auditory hallucinations). The authors' opinions do not represent those of their employers, their churches, their dental hygenists or people who think classical opera ought to be staged in modern dress in order to be "relevant" to their audiences. All original material is copyrighted and property of the authors. Don't like our opinions? Get your own damn blog!

Heck, I reckon if no other good comes of getting stood up in the hollow square and forced to confess, at least it might boost traffic a bit.

UPDATE: Just in case you were wondering, full disclosure here dictates that I reveal that my vicar is the Irreverant Arthur Belling and my Church is St. Looney-Up-The-Cream-Bun-And-Jam.

UPDATE DEUX: Still having trouble understanding what I'm up against? Consider this:

UPDATE TROIS: Thankee everybody for your support. As a matter of fact, I don't really expect to get my head plunged in the baptismal font and Communion waifers shoved under my fingernails. And nobody has suggested that I should stop yapping about things here. Instead, it's more a matter of transparancy - if I'm going to be the Parish Crank, then everybody ought to know about it before discussing things around me. As I say, fair enough.

YIPS from Steve: I'll be leading the chant of potbanging protestors outside, chanting

Hey! Hey! Robert Goulet! Don't Send Robbo to the auto de fe
Posted by Robert at February 11, 2007 08:53 PM | TrackBack

Good Luck! You're on the right side. Also, Bad Boy status *is* fun.

Posted by: ahriman at February 11, 2007 10:51 PM

Good luck indeed. You are on the right side.

And by the way, I've been reading for several months now, and I have no idea what parish you're in, so it's not like what you've written could reflect poorly on your parish. Your readers don't even know what parish it is. Something for your new readers to ponder...

Posted by: NBS at February 12, 2007 12:22 AM

I don't even know what a Parish is. What the State of Louisiana calls a county, right??


Good luck at that meeting tomorrow.

Posted by: Stillers at February 12, 2007 02:13 AM

Hmmm...cake or death?

Damn the torpedoes man, you have every right to speak your mind.

Nevertheless, I will be thinking about you. And you'd better keep us all posted.

Posted by: GroovyVic at February 12, 2007 07:10 AM

Good grief.

Do keep us posted! But seriously, you've not let slip anything that would point to your church particularly - the only thing you have said is where you don't go.

Hopefully the cushion poking won't also involve the comfy chair.

Posted by: beth at February 12, 2007 08:07 AM

Parish? Ain't that whut happens when you die -- you parish.

Good luck, and any religion that does not allow you to think for yourself, well, to me that is more of a cult than anything else.

Posted by: rbj at February 12, 2007 09:08 AM

OK Toots, remember you are the man, they are the girlie boys. The best defense is offense. Tell them how surprised you are not to learn that there is no free speech in TEC, just plenty of free love. Tell them also they'd be wise to spurge on a boob job for the Presiding Bishop so she actually looks like a woman doing a man's job.

Then open a bottle of Wild Turkey with your teeth swig from it most heartily.

They'll never come back and only speak in whispered tones around you....

Posted by: Mrs. Peperium at February 12, 2007 09:47 AM

And this would differ from Robbo's usual Vestry behavior in that....

Posted by: Steve the LLamabutcher at February 12, 2007 11:41 AM

I'd really like to add something, but, um, well I don't quite know what to say, other than, we'll be here with you all the way Robbo. Like a jock strap filled with Icy-Hot.

I'd of course urge everyone to watch the Inquisition Portion of History of the World Part 1 during Robbo's meeting. Just so we know what he's going through. (I'd have posted a youTube link but couldn't find it.)

The Inquisition, what a show....

Posted by: phin at February 12, 2007 03:26 PM

Mrs. Peperium, you totally rule!

Posted by: ahriman at February 12, 2007 04:34 PM

Phin---scroll up.

Posted by: Steve the LLamabutcher at February 12, 2007 06:18 PM

"...and no crumpet under sixteen. I can't do it."

Posted by: mojo at February 13, 2007 12:37 PM