Happy Birthday, Henri Bergson!

Born this day in 1859.

Friends, I'll level with you: I don't know jack about early 20th Century French philosophers. But I do know my Monty Python:

A simple 'Take Your Pick' style set with Michael Miles (John Cleese) grinning type monster standing at centre of it.
Michael Miles: And could we have the next contender, please? [A pepperpot (Terry Jones) walks out onto the set towards Michael Miles] Ha ha ha... Good evening, madam, and your name is?

Woman: Yes, yes...

Michael Miles: And what's your name?

Woman: I go to church regularly.

Michael Miles: Jolly good, I see, and which prize do you have particular eyes on this evening?

Woman: I'd like the blow on the head.

Michael Miles: The blow on the head.

Woman: Just there. [points to the back of her head]

Michael Miles: Jolly good. Well your first question for the blow on the head this evening is: What great opponent of Cartesian dualism resists the reduction of psychological phenomena to physical states?

Woman: I don't know that!

Michael Miles: Well, have a guess.

Woman: Uh...Henri Bergson.

Michael Miles: Is the correct answer!

Woman: Ooh, that was lucky. I never even heard of him.

Michael Miles: Jolly good.

Woman: I don't like darkies.

Michael Miles: [Taken aback for split second] Ha ha ha. Who does? And now your second question for the blow on the head is: What is the main food that penguins eat?

Woman: Pork luncheon meat.

Michael Miles: No.

Woman: Spam?

Michael Miles: No, no, no. What do penguins eat? Penguins.

Woman: Penguins?

Michael Miles: Yes.

Woman: I hate penguins.

Michael Miles: No, no, no.

Woman: They eat themselves?

Michael Miles: No, no, what do penguins eat?

Woman: Horses! ... Armchairs!

Michael Miles: No, no, no. What do penguins eat?

Woman: Oh, penguins.

Michael Miles: Penguins.

Woman: Cannelloni.

Michael Miles: No.

Woman: Lasagna, moussaka, lobster thermidor, escalopes de veau à l'estragon avec endives gratinéed with cheese.

Michael Miles: No, no, no, no. I'll give you a clue. [Mimes a fish swimming]

Woman: Ooooh! Brian Close.

Michael Miles: No. no.

Woman: Brian Inglis, Brian Johnson, Bryan Forbes.

Michael Miles: No, no!

Woman: Nanette Newman.

Michael Miles: No. What swims in the sea and gets caught in nets?

Woman: Henri Bergson.

Michael Miles: No!

Woman: Goats. Underwater goats with snorkels and flippers.

Michael Miles: No, no.

Woman: A buffalo with an aqualung.

Michael Miles: No, no.

Woman: Reginald Maudling.

Michael Miles: Yes, that's near enough. I'll give you that. Right! Now, Mrs Scum, you have won your prize, do you still want the blow on the head?

Woman: Yes, yes.

Michael Miles: I'll offer you a poke in the eye?

Woman: No! I want a blow on the head.

Michael Miles: A punch in the throat?

Woman: No.

Michael Miles: All right then, a kick in the kneecap?

Woman: No.

Michael Miles: Mrs Scum! I'm offering you a boot in the teeth and a dagger up the strap?

Woman: Er...

Voices: Blow on the head! Take the blow on the head!

Woman: No, no. I'll take the blow on the head.

Michael Miles: Very well then, Mrs Scum, you have won tonight's star prize, the blow on the head!

He strikes her on head with an enormous mallet and she falls unconscious. A sexily dressed hostess in the background (Graham Chapman) strikes a small gong. Three bishops rush in and jump on her.

And speaking of such things, Sooper-Sekret Message to Lynn S. : Welcome to Camelot! 'Tis a silly place, isn't it?