Movie Review

Poseidon (2006)

So I sallied out yesterday and paid a dollar to see Kurt Russell in a wet tux shirt. Yes, I went to see the 2006 re-make of 1972's cheddar-fest, The Poseidon Adventure, tight-lippedly titled Poseidon.

To appreciate my mind-set as I went to the theater yesterday you have to understand just how much I love the cheesy goodness of the original movie. The cast of the original tended to the AARP demographic, but bygawd those peeps could climb a 90-foot Christmas tree like apes on chocolate-covered coffee beans. The original is a Truly Bad Film on an epic scale. I couldn't imagine how the re-make could top it.

But, as it turns out - they didn't try. The new film, Poseidon, doesn't go in for oldsters scaling holiday ephemera or opening the bottom of the boat with a Swiss Army knife attachment. (Maybe they didn't do that Swiss Army part in the original, but the way they got out was really stupid. I remember that!) No - the director went in for a more or less straight-on action adventure film with great special effects, unsettling visuals, and practically no character development. It's like Die Hard, but not as funny.

Only one aspect of this Film Going Experience annoyed me at all and it was this: Did you know that fires that start in an enclosed area on a cruise ship, never, ever create smoke? It's true! Shipboard fires are entirely smokeless, the better to see the pretty, pretty people make haste from here to there. And of course hacking up big wads of black phlegm is so Rescue Me.

I was hoping for a Truly Bad Film. Instead, I got a passably good, brainless, action feature. ok - I've got no problem with that. Especially for a dollar.

To read a professional review of Poseidon, check out Pete Vonder Haar's delightful review at Film Threat. Pull quote from Pete: "The whitest group of disaster survivors since that other ocean liner sank in 1912."