What's a truly bad films-luvin' right-wing blogger to do?

Hollywood's biggest supporter of Dubya---wait for it, wait for it

Mickey Rourke.

There was a profile of Mickey Rourke in the New York Times Magazine, this would have to have been around 1991, where they got the diamond quote from someone. At the time, Mickey was Le Rage of Paris, where his movies were showing non-stop at some left-bank nasty cigarette beret filled dive. The quote, from memory, went something like this:

France hates America, so they sent us Derrida. America hates France, and needed to get even, so we retaliated by sending them Jerry Lewis and Woody Allen. Stung by our bitter blow, they upped the ante and sent us Foucault. But America gets its ultimate revenge, as we deploy our latest and most deadly cultural weapon of them all: Mickey Rourke.

It had to have been from 1991 as I framed it and had it over my desk, right next to the quote from PJ O'Rourke (which, after spending a half hour digging through the extensive boxed archives here in Orgle Manor I found):

Back in London, I was having dinner in the Groucho Club---this week's in-spot for what's left of Britain's lit glitz and noveau rock riche---when one more person started in on the Stars and Stripes. Eventually he got, as the Europeans always do, to the part about "Your country's never been invaded." (This fellow had been two during the Blitz, you see). "You don't know the horror, the suffering. You think war is..."

I snapped.

"A John Wayne movie," I said. "That's what you were going to say, wasn't it? We think war is a John Wayne movie. We think life is a John Wayne movie---with good guys and bad guys, as simple as that. Well, you know something, Mister Limey Poofter? You're right. And let me tell you who those bad guys are. They're us. WE BE BAD.

"We're the baddest-assed sons of bitches that ever jogged in Reeboks. We're three-quarters grizzly bear and two-thirds car wreck and descended from a stock-market crash on our mother's side. You take your Germany, France, and Spain, roll them together and it wouldn't give us room to park our cars. We're the big boys, Jack, the original giant, economy-sized, new and improved butt kickers of all time. When we snort coke in Houston, people lose their hats in Cap d'Antibes. And we've got an American Express card credit limit higher than your piss-ant metric numbers go.

"You say our country's never been invaded? You're right, little buddy. Because I'd like to see the needle-dicked foreigners who'd have the guts to try. We drink napalm to get our hearts started in the morning. A rape and a mugging is our way of saying 'Cheerio.' Hell can't hold our sock-hops. We walk taller, talk louder, spit further, fuck longer and buy more things than you know the names of. I'd rather be a junkie in a New York City jail than king, queen and jack of all you Europeans. We eat little countries like this for breakfast and shit them out before lunch.

"Of course, the guy should have punched me. But this was Europe. He just smiled his shabby, superior Euro trash smile.

"God, don't these people have dentists?

Chai-Rista, don't you think it's about time we got ol' P.J. to speak on campus?

Anyhoo, Mickey Rourke's support of the president throws the kibosh in my usual japery at Mickey's expense. So, from the LLamas, no more bashing of 1991's Harley Davidson and the Marlborough Man, perhaps the most ridiculously bad movie of all time. Here's how we described it in April of 05:

Plot? Something about at the level of a live action extended video for the Village People, featuring the has-been heaven of Don Johnson, one of the hairier Baldwin Brothers (does it really matter which one? I think it was "Chip" Baldwin, or maybe "Tito" Baldwin), Tia Carrere, the late, great, pro-wrestler Big John Studd, Giancarlo Esposito, and the pre-noveau virginal Vanessa Williams.

The only nice thing you can say about Rourke's participation in Harley Davidson and the Marlboro Man was that it was really a movie before its time: it in many ways would be the perfect comeback vehicle for Matt Damon and Ben Affleck.

Since it looks like CHiPS 04 aint going to happen...

So here's what the Mickster has to say:

The former boxer says, "George is doing a hell of a job during very difficult times, more power to him. Screw all them people who don't like him."

So let me get that straight: side with Dubya, and you're agreeing with Mickey Rourke; oppose him, and you're siding with Andrew Sullivan and Ben Affleck.

Talk about your being caught between the devil and the deep blue sea...