May 26, 2006

For the love of the Lawhd Gawhd, NO!

For years, we history geeks have been wondering when a movie version of Undaunted Courage would be coming to the big screen.

Damn our ambition.

Ladies and gentlemen, Hollywood's idea of Lewis and Clark:


Unfortunatley, I'm not making this up:

Brad Pitt and Ed Norton may re-team for a mini-series playing famous American explorers Lewis and Clark.

The pair are producing the 10-hour saga, based on Stephen Ambrose's book Undaunted Courage. Norton explains, "We have friends who've been pointing out that there are some funny echoes, similarities between Lewis and Clark and us."

"I don't have any prejudice against it. At the moment, we're acting as good shepherds for the project. It's being written now."

Norton, who starred with Pitt in Fight Club, claims Undaunted Courage was one of the "most page-turning books I've ever read." The actor was so inspired by the novel that he decided to produce the project with Pitt for HBO.

HT to the scrumptious Lawren Mills.

Unfortunately, our sooper sekrit Hollywood correspondent "Phil" has sent us an advanced "treatment" of the plot outline:

Captain Merriwether Lewis, working for President Jefferson, discovers sekrit plot of American government to invade Libya to control whale oil exports to the Mediterranean. Cart chase through Georgetown, rogue agents from the CIA firing flintlock pistols as Lewis escapes. Arrives in St. Louis to find the one person he can trust---old childhood friend William Clark (flashback to the youths helping to organize slave rebellion with Nat Turner), who is now down and out as a gay hustler working the mean streets. Clark doesn't believe Lewis, until rogue CIA/NSA agents burn St. Louis down. Lewis and Clark flee west with only clue, copy of the Mona Lisa with "SACAGEWA?" written in Ben Franklin's blood. Find Sacagewa, shaman/wisewoman, who leads the boys to the Pacific Coast. Cut to Jefferson, being all indecisive, as whale oil conspiracy being run out of office of VP Aaron Burr, former chairman of the Board of Halliburton Whale Oil Co. Burr offers evidence to Jefferson that Lewis and Clark are actually plotting along with Army General James Wilkinson to work with rogue elements of the Spanish government to create a separate country our of north-eastern Mexico, to be named Tex-florida. Jefferson authorizes a Delta Team contingent to eliminate the threat to National Security. Cut to boys standing on cliff, looking out over at the Pacific Ocean, shaman/wise woman Sacagewa behind them, looking wise.

Posted by Steve at May 26, 2006 08:04 AM | TrackBack

Norton is a great actor. Pitt isn't.

Posted by: Bill from INDC at May 26, 2006 08:11 AM

My sources tell me, okay it's just the voices in my head, that Pitt demanded several "Brokeback" type scenes where he's the beyatch (for realism).

Posted by: phin at May 26, 2006 08:21 AM

Oh for the love of Gawd no, phin, but I wouldn't doubt it.

I we have to endure a shirtless Pitt?


Posted by: GroovyVic at May 26, 2006 09:03 AM

Look on the bright side: If Pitt & Norton are working on the project, that prevents Pauly Shore & Stephen Baldwin from getting the ol' "Biodome" team back together.

Posted by: Russ from Winterset at May 26, 2006 09:11 AM

I don't get what the problem is. Seems like pretty good casting to me.

Posted by: red at May 26, 2006 11:12 AM

What, no pudding?

Posted by: Leopold Stotch at May 26, 2006 11:23 AM

First rule of the Louisiana Purchase: Nobody talks about the Louisiana Purchase.

Posted by: Robbo the LB at May 26, 2006 12:18 PM

"No one," rather. Sorry - thwacked my leg with the weedwhacker and am still a bit distracted.....

Posted by: Robbo the LB at May 26, 2006 12:20 PM

And Helen Bonham Carter as a consumptive Sacagawea.

Posted by: Jeff at May 26, 2006 12:58 PM

I guess Meat Loaf could portray a playful grizzly bear.

Posted by: Russ from Winterset at May 26, 2006 11:13 PM

And Paris Hilton as Sacajawea, natch. (Hey, if Ward Churchill can play an Indian in real life...)

Posted by: TallDave at May 27, 2006 02:56 PM

I just keep thinking that it would be horrible to be in a Brad Pitt and Edward Norton sandwich.

Speaking as a female, of course...

Posted by: agent bedhead at May 28, 2006 02:51 PM