The following events take place in the middle of the freakin' night...

What? You haven't seen the trailer for Snakes on a Plane?

Forget Snakes on a Plane, tonight's episode of 24 features Jack Bauer as the stewardess. Expect a healthy dose of coffee, tea, or death. Let's just say there's not a healthy actuarial summary of Jack's involvement with airplanes. Maybe he got the crap beat out of him by a clown dressed as Wilbur Wright, I don't know.

Dave Barry will mercifully be liveblogging it the way on Dave Barry can (he seems to be the one person who can live blog while being faithful to the "do a shot whenever someone gets shot" rule).

And as always the kind folks over at Blogs4Bauer have the usual array of snarky 24 commentary and conspiracy theories. Their afternoon pre-game show contest:

1. What kind of trouble will Jack cause on the plane?
2. What will tonight's body county be?

I'm going to say:

1. Refuse to return tray and seat to upright position; uses forbidden electronic device during takeoff to get Chloe to download to his PDA the schematics---outside protocols! to figure out how to keep the damn snakes from getting out in the damn plane!; and lights up to smoke after killing a lot of bad guys

2. I'm going with the Grim Reaper continuing to take the late night off, and go with a total body count for the show of 12, with 5 of them on Jack's tab. (The total Season 5 Kill Counter is up to 161)

UPDATE: WHITHER WILLIAM DEVANE?

So is Secretary Heller sleeping with the fishes, or is he sleeping with the fishes? Stay tuned for our Meet The Press Panel featuring Ted Kennedy and Mary Jo Kopechne, with special commentary by Toonces the driving cat