April 17, 2006

"Roses Are Red/Violets Are Blue/But How Can You Possibly Be Thinking of Flowers/While Blood Is Spilling For Oil?"

The Crack Young Staff at the Hatemonger's Quarterly announce the Third Anniversary HMQ Horrible College Student Poetry Competition, a hell-for-leather race to the very lowest slopes of Mt. Parnassus:

Once again, our Official Contest Judge is a poet of the ages: Anonymous. Throughout a preternaturally long career, Anonymous has crafted some of the most beloved poems known to the world. And he will be carefully examining our entries, hunting for all the telltale signs of pathetic collegiate doggerel: Ghastly clichés; predictably utopian politics; clunky non-rhythms; misspellings; irksome tones of all-knowingness. Points will be deducted for the proper use of meter, alliteration, and other signs of poetic competence.

Entries are due by May 3rd, so bong-up and get scribbling!

Posted by Robert at April 17, 2006 11:55 AM | TrackBack
Comments

Ah, Chip.

"In these days of modern times" was ripped off from Firesign Theatre.

"In these days of modern times, when you can't tell the AC's from the DC's..."

Posted by: mojo at April 17, 2006 12:45 PM

Mojo's quite right: The opening line is snatched from "Don't Touch that Dwarf: Hand Me the Pliers" by the Firesign Theater. Whilst we have no problem with plagiarism on the part of the mock collegiate entries per se, it is hard to imagine that a 19-year-old would know of that album. Not brilliant on our part.

All the more reason why Mojo and others should send us their own submissions to our humble contest!

Posted by: The Crack Young Staff at April 17, 2006 03:50 PM

Shouldn't we be racing towards the lowest slopes of Mt Taygetus instead?

Posted by: The Maximum Leader at April 17, 2006 06:15 PM

There once was a scholar named "Chip"

... then I get stuck.

Posted by: Gordon at April 17, 2006 08:21 PM

CYS - just entered:

A baby seal walks into a club
squealing and bleeding,
and orders a drink.

"Whadda ya want?" asks the neocon slavemaster
behind the boards
giving the baby seal a fishy look.

"SANCTUARY!" screams the baby seal
trying hard to look like Quasimodo
in a nice white fur coat.

But the bartender beat it to death
because he'd heard that joke before.

The murdering bastard.

Posted by: mojo at April 18, 2006 12:46 PM