April 12, 2006

Random Commuter Observations

Oh, Uncle Robbo's got a good one today. As surely as the swallows return to Capistrano, as surely as the Nats return to the bottom of the NL East, so do the bus-loads of tourons return to E Street on the north side of the Hoover FBI building, waiting around in the early morning to be cycled in batches into the Hard Rock Cafe around the corner for breakfast. There were literally hundreds of them this morning, stretching the entire block between 9th and 10th Streets.

Most of them are teenagers. I disliked teenagers even when I was one and I find that my emnity toward them only deepens as time passes. And I especially hate them when they're milling about in great, amorphous herds, blocking the sidewalks and not giving a damn about it.

Fighting my way through the herd this morning, I mulled what John Wayne and a handful of those kids from The Cowboys could have done with them. Then I thought about what Jack Bauer could have done. On the whole, I decided they were rather more deserving of the Bauer Treatment: GET OUT OF THE WAY! GET OUT OF THE WAY AND GET YOUR FACES ON THE GROUND OR I'LL KILL YOU!

Stupid tourons.

Posted by Robert at April 12, 2006 08:15 AM | TrackBack

Sounds like somebody needs a hug.

A hug from a buxom 18y.o. wearing Juicy shorts and a smile.

Some Cheetos probably wouldn't hurt either.

Posted by: phin at April 12, 2006 08:28 AM

Uncle Robbo, I've been a naughty girl, may I have a spanking?

(Bats Eyes)


Posted by: a lovely lolita at April 12, 2006 08:30 AM

So, if I ever get Husband talked into taking us on vacation down there, should I contact you for info and directions???

Posted by: GroovyVic at April 12, 2006 08:51 AM

This is the time of year where I begin to ponder the unfairness that is summed up in this statement: Tourist season is not like deer season.

Otherwise I would be all about getting myself a tourist permit.

Posted by: beth at April 12, 2006 09:22 AM

Heh, indeed.

Posted by: Robbo the LB at April 12, 2006 09:39 AM

So you're up for the spanking?

Posted by: a lovely lolita at April 12, 2006 09:55 AM

You're not fooling me! You're the Scottish Dwarf in drag! Get outa here, man!

Posted by: Robbo the LB at April 12, 2006 10:00 AM

This post speaks Truth to Power. Me? I actually do the Heismann stiff arm to the chittery mother#*@&ers.

Posted by: Bill from INDC at April 12, 2006 11:25 AM

It's called decaffinated. Look into it.

Posted by: Steve the LLamabutcher at April 12, 2006 01:21 PM

Heh. I was late to a Congressional hearing once and had to push through a mob of 8th graders across from the Capitol. This time of year, of course. I was irritated until one of them looked up at me in awe and asked, "Are you a Senator?" I laughed merrily and replied, "Hey! I don't look old enough to be a Senator, do I?" It was upsetting how long it took him to answer "Um, no?"

Posted by: Sarah at April 12, 2006 04:35 PM

Ohhhh Sarah... That must have hurt!
I grayed early (which has since been rectified...) while delivering cookies for some party or another to my son's 3rd grade class, the girl next to my son exclaimed "what a beautiful Grandm*ther!"
Hey, what is with the censor that won't allow me to type m*ther?

Posted by: Babs at April 13, 2006 07:37 AM