March 17, 2006

Google Chumming - Audience Participation Dynamite Fishing Meme (PINNED TO THE TOP FOR ST. PATTY'S DAY)

Okay, as you know from previous posts, I'm a) in something of a writer's funk and b) out of here until the weekend. However, I believe I've hit upon a nifty little meme that will both keep you amused in my absence and spur me on upon my return.

Your task: Drop one or more comments to this post on any subject you wish. Go nuts. While crudity is not required, invention will be much cherished.

My task: Upon my return, I will take all of your comments and fashion them into a single essay. Links will be embedded for fellow bloggers who contribute, appropriate props for non-blogging participants. What will the essay be about? How the hell should I know? It's utterly dependent on what you send in.

Hint: Whatever the content of the essay, I can promise this: The Scottish Dwarf will rue the day. I'm talking imminant rue-age.

Yip! Yip! Yip!

***Sooper Sekret Message To Steve-O: For some reason, my home computer has issues with Moveable Type. When I try to post date an entry, it automatically gives it a date of 000-00-00 00:00:00. I'm flattered that the program would consider my writing to be timeless, but this rayther interferes with things. Would you (or one of our 10 other registered authors) kindly post date this entry to Friday, March 17. Thankee kindly in advance.***


And here's my first contribution laddie:

There was no hope for him this time: it was the third stroke. ... His soul swooned slowly as he heard the snow falling faintly through the universe and faintly falling, like the descent of their last end, upon all the living and the dead.
It says "FRAHH-JEEE--LAY"...that means it's from Italy!"
"Plisskin? I thought you were dead!"
"Come on, it's Czechoslavakia---it's like invading Wisconisn!"

"Yeah, I got my ass kicked in Wisconsin once."

Many years later, as he faced the firing squad, Colonel Aureliano Buendia was to remember that distant afternoon when his father took him to discover ice."
Amory, sorry for them, was still not sorry for himself--art, politics, religion, whatever his medium should be, he knew he was safe now, free from all hysteria--he could accept what was acceptable, roam, grow, rebel, sleep deep through many nights.... There was no God in his heart, he knew; his ideas were still in riot; there was ever the pain of memory; the regret of his lost youth--yet the waters of disillusion had left a deposit on his soul, responsibility and a love of life, the faint stirring of old ambitions and unrealized dreams. But--oh, Rosalind! Rosalind!....

And, last for now,

The Scottish Dwarf was a cruel, but gentle taskmaster.

Post-Travel Yips! from Robbo> [Insert Cartman voice]: Posted by Robert at March 17, 2006 11:22 PM | TrackBack


I just tried Sweet Wasabi Mustard flavored kettle-style potato chips for the first time (and they ain't half bad...)

Posted by: Rex Ferric at March 14, 2006 10:50 AM

Was the Fall of the House of Usher a commentary on the Nineteenth Century aristocracy?

Posted by: Brian B at March 14, 2006 11:21 AM

To be or not to be, that is the question. Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune or to take arms against a see of trouble and by opposing, end them. To die, to sleep.

Posted by: rbj at March 14, 2006 01:00 PM

Gaaah aaagh. Haaaaaaa agh, caa. Shamaaa agh Sudafed aaaan gaa.

Posted by: Gordon at March 14, 2006 01:01 PM

Confucious and you are both dreams, and I who say you are dreams am a dream myself. This is a paradox. Tomorrow a wise man may explain it; that tomorrow will not be for ten thousand generations.
-- Chuang Tse

Posted by: mojo at March 14, 2006 01:45 PM

And that's when he remembered the truth about wildebeasts.

Posted by: Eric J at March 14, 2006 02:33 PM

Ever since accident, sometimes Malvert pee red.

Posted by: FreakyBoy at March 14, 2006 03:46 PM

Are we there yet?

Posted by: Brian B at March 14, 2006 04:08 PM

Hey there, little Red Riding Hood,
You sure are lookin good.
You're everything that a big, bad wolf could want.

Posted by: Sam the Sham at March 14, 2006 05:39 PM

"It was the best of times, It was the worst of times. Does anybody really know what time it is."

Posted by: Marvin at March 14, 2006 05:51 PM

Psychology is not a real scince. There is no such thing as postpartum depression. The aliens told me so. AHHHHH!!!!! THETANS! THETANS!!!!! CRAWLING ALL OVER YOUR FACE!!!!!! SNICKER SNACK! SNICKER SNACK! WAAAAAGGGGGHHHH!!!!!!! SHE'S HAVING MY BAYBEEEEEE!!!!!! WHAT A BEATIFUL WAY TO SHOW YOU I'M NOT GAYEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!

Does anyone have the Scottish Dwarf's phone number?

Is that a couch?

Posted by: T.C. at March 14, 2006 06:01 PM

It was about that time that he realized his day was most certainly not going to get better...

Posted by: The Maximum Leader at March 14, 2006 06:23 PM

There is a thought that keeps me thinking, like a stone inside my shoe. It is a vision re-ocurring, a dirty window I can see you through. You think it's funny, but what I say is true; the reason that I live like this is all because of you.

Posted by: GroovyVic at March 14, 2006 06:33 PM

Obi-Wan lied, I am your father.

Posted by: MCPO Airdale at March 14, 2006 07:26 PM

Happy Steak and Blowjob Day!

Wait, I can do better than that. Ok, try this...

Her front-butt was so large that she had trouble squeezing behind the wheel of her tiny Toyota.

Posted by: bobgirrl at March 14, 2006 07:41 PM

Chancellor Palpatine, Sith Lords are our speciality.

Posted by: GroovyVic at March 15, 2006 06:36 AM


Posted by: Cybrludite at March 15, 2006 08:15 AM

T'was brillig and the slthy toves did shoot smack and proposition under age girls to model saucily for me... Wait, did I write that out loud?

Posted by: Charles Lutwidge Dodgson at March 15, 2006 08:20 AM

The back view was impressive: Lustrous, dark hair cascading past her shoulders, a small waist, a shapely ass and legs you could envision locked around your neck as the two of you plunged deeper into the netherworld of love. And then she turned around ...

Posted by: Rachel at March 15, 2006 08:24 AM

Does a werewolf on the moon stay a werewolf all the time?

Posted by: Chai-rista at March 15, 2006 09:15 AM

...but the most horrible part was when they started alternating an old 8mm porn loop staring a young Cindy Sheehan with John Kerry's home movies of his days in 'Nam. Bloody hell! "Not fair, Gov," I said, "even a bit of the ol' ultra-vi directed at me personally would be preferable to this!"

Posted by: Ted at March 15, 2006 11:06 AM

Citing a recent Ambien blackout, INDC Bill could not answer to queries about his new full chest, full color, nude tattoo of Janet Reno.

Posted by: Val Prieto at March 15, 2006 02:48 PM

Someone has to be "that guy": it's St. Paddy's Day.

Posted by: Leopold Stotch at March 15, 2006 03:17 PM

Why are there so many songs about rainbows? And what's on the other side?

Posted by: Phoenix at March 15, 2006 03:54 PM

Screaming naked through the forest, you ask yourself, "Why?"

Nobody answers.

Posted by: Jay Cline at March 15, 2006 04:32 PM

"He disagreed with something that eat him."

Posted by: Intolerant at March 15, 2006 04:35 PM

The Black Plague, the Rain of Fish, the locusts... none of it was as bad as the return of the dragons.

Fortunately, fried dragon was pretty tasty.

Posted by: owlish at March 15, 2006 05:39 PM

[From a Russian bride spam email...]

I have already lost hope to find my sincere friend, and I have decided to try to make it with the help of the Internet.
I was said that people are calm and kind in your country and I have decided to get acquainted with male from your country.
It is very good. people have shown me club of acquaintances and I began to look profiles.
I was surprised very much when i saw such set of man's profiles who look for the women!!!
Really there are so many lonely men in your country ?!!! It is very sad.: (
SO MANY men are lonely and have no happiness in private life.
I saw your sincere structure, and I was interested in you very much and have decided to write to you.
Well I hope that I have not tired you with my letter?
I shall wait for the letter from you with impatience!
for tomorrow my new friend
If you have a photo, send to me please

Posted by: House of Payne at March 15, 2006 07:55 PM

From a comment left on one of my Jawa posts:

when muslim's are in heaven,you all christs burn in hell.devil will do meetballs from your bodies.

Posted by: Vinnie at March 16, 2006 01:42 AM

Osama bin Laden anagrams:
An Islam bad one
I nab a sand mole
Labia-nosed man

Posted by: ahriman at March 16, 2006 08:30 PM

When Bill Clinton was elected, we got Billary for president. If Hillary is elected, we get Hillbilly?

Posted by: ahriman at March 16, 2006 08:33 PM

What Woody Guthrie REALLY meant to sing:

This land is my land,
it isn't your land.
I've got a shotgun,
and you don't got one.
If you don't get off,
I'll blow your head off.
This land is private property!

Posted by: Brian B at March 17, 2006 09:15 AM

"I laugh at your simpilistic theology, jesuit, for I am a pantheistic multiple-personality solipsist."

Posted by: N. O'Brain at March 17, 2006 09:56 AM

Long live the Hoff, hallowed be his name.

Posted by: Tilesey at March 17, 2006 10:37 AM

"It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife."

{insert evil chuckle here}

Posted by: Kathy at March 17, 2006 11:39 AM

Don't poop in your new pants.

Posted by: GroovyVic at March 17, 2006 11:51 AM


This is to notify you that you have been choosen By the Board of Trustees of
the Action Aid (NGO uk) as one of the final Recepients of a Cash Grant/Donation Economic growth and a poverty alleviation scheme. Action Aid (U.K.) a Multi-Million Pounds NGO group was established with the objective Of Human Growth, Educational and Community development.

In line with the 28 years anniversary program, the Action Aid (U.K.) in conjunction with the European Council is giving out One Hundred Million Pounds Sterling as specific Donations/Grants to 150 lucky international recipients worldwide in different categories for Business development and Social. These funds are freely given to use for your business and educational development, charitable work and your community development at large. Your Email was selected Based on an internet random selection exercise, You therefore are confirmed one of the lucky recipients and
are entitled to 850,000.00 (eight hundred and fifty thousand Pounds Sterling Only) as charity donations/aid from the action Aid (UK).

You are required to Contact immediately the Action Aid (UK) Secretary below
by email. Endeavour to quote Your Qualification Number: (N-222-6747, E-900-56) for qualification documentations, verification and processing of your 850,000.00 Pounds Sterling entitlement.

Mr.David Buff.
Action Aid (UK)

Endeavour to quote your Qualification numbers (N-222-6747, E-900-56) in all
your correspondence with Mr.David Buff. Please note that this donations/Grants are administered by a UK Bank and therefore subject to UK Banking Laws. You are by all means advised to keep this whole information confidential until you have collected your donation,This is to avoid double and unqualified claim, due to beneficiaries informing third parties on cash grant donation.

On behalf of the Board, kindly accept our warmest congratulations!

Yours faithfully,
Mr. Richard Lane.

Posted by: Steve the LLamabutcher at March 17, 2006 12:33 PM

From: Mrs. Sarah Welsh.


I am Mrs. Sarah Welsh, an English woman who is suffering from cancerous ailment. I am married to Sir Jim Welsh who worked with the British Railways for over two decade before the cold hand of death took him away on the 23rd of July 2003. Our marriage lasted for over a decade without any fruit of the womb. Before my husband died we made a vow to uplift the down-trodden and the less-privileged individuals within the United Kingdom, Europe, North and South America, Africa and the rest of the globe as he had passion for persons

Who can not help themselves due to physical disability or financial predicament I can adduce this to the fact that he needed a Child from this relationship, which never came.

When my late husband was alive he deposited the sum of

10 Million (Ten Million Great Britain Pounds Sterling with an offshore Finance House. Presently, this money is still with the Finance House.

Recently, my Doctor told me that I have limited or numbered days on earth due to the cancerous problems. With this hard reality that has befallen me, I have decided to donate this fund to a non-governmental, or a non religious, and or a non profit organization or better still an individual, that will utilize this money the way I am going to instruct here in. I want a non governmental, or a non religious, and or a non profit organization or better still an individual, that will use this gift which comes from my husbands sweat to fund the upkeep of widows, widowers, orphans, destitute, the down-trodden, physically challenged children, barren-women and persons who prove to be genuinely

Handicapped financially.

I took this decision because I do not have any child that will inherit this money and my husband relatives are bourgeois and I do not want my husband Jim Welsh hard earned money to be misused or invested into ill perceived ventures. I don't want a situation where this money will be used in an ungodly manner, hence the reason for taking this bold decision. I am not afraid of death hence I know where I am going. I know that I am going to be with the Almighty when I eventually pass on. The Almighty will fight my case and I shall hold my peace. I do not need any telephone communication in this regard due to my deteriorating health and because of the presence of my husband relatives around me.

As soon as I receive your reply I shall give you the contact of the bank. I will also issue you a Letter of Authority that will empower you as the original beneficiary of this fund. Any delay in your reply will give me room in sourcing for a non-governmental, or a non religious, and or a non profit organization or better still an individual for this same purpose.

Hope to hear from you soon and God bless you and members of your family.

Mrs. Sarah Welsh.

Posted by: Brian B at March 17, 2006 01:41 PM

"The Claw is our Master. The Claw decides who stays and who goes. . . It moves! I have been chosen. Farewell, my friends! I go now to a better place. . . Let's go home and PLAAAAYYYYY."

Posted by: LMC at March 17, 2006 03:17 PM