Google baiting

Don Surber decides to take Google Chumming---something we here at the LLamabutchers are proud to be pioneers of---to an all new level by assigning point values to linked references:

First, the best sentence in a news story this week:

Lyonne also allegedly threatened to sexually molest her former neighbor’s dog during a 2004 altercation.

We’re talking Natasha Lyonne of “The Slums Of Beverly Hills fame.

Threatened bestiality? 5 Google Bait points. Beastiality for those who cannot spell adds a point. Another point because she was in “American Pie.�

Blue Star Chronicles has fun with “Brokeback Mountain.� After seeing it, Blue Star sings, “Mamas Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Cowboys.�

The prequel and sequel in one: "Brokeback to the Future."

Oscar favorite: 3 points.

Goth calls the kettle black! Kelly Osbourne says Paris Hilton is a bad influence on girls. That explains the sudden surge in sales of night-vision video cameras.

Paris alone is worth 10, so add 10 points.

Further proof that David Hasselhoff will be the next fuehrer: The Ooga Chakka video.
2 Google Köder points.

Britney Spears will appear in a “Will & Grace� episode as NBC not only cancels the show but punishes it as well.

In the episode, when “Out TV� is bought by a Christian Television Network, Spears is brought on to be Jack’s new religious co-host — until Will (Eric McCormack) and Jack loosen her up.

Didn’t Jm Bullock and Tammy Faye Bakker already do that in real life?

Of course, last week's carnival may have gotten her knocked up, as rumors swirl about a pregnancy. Hey, say what you want about her, at least she is making her own and not raiding Third World countries for them.

10 points for Brit, 1 each for Jm, Tammy Faye and pregnant.

To boost ratings, the American Family Association is protesting the Britney episode.
1 point for stupidity.

This week's quote from in Rosie O’Donnell's blog, kel "lets the dogs out." Leave it to Rosie to answer the age-old question: “Who Let The Dogs Out?�

3 points for the song title.

24 is 16 with a bullet.

4 points for the Jack Bauer mention.

Jessica Simpson got a job at Pizza Hut. Nice how the writer decided to downplay the ex-Mrs. Nick Lachey in the story, only to have Jessica's picture appear -- surprise, surprise -- prominently on the Web site.

7 points for Jessica Simpson, another 4 points for any Simpson mention. O.J., Homer, it doesn't matter.

Sing-along time:

Do you know the way to eBay?
Jordan’s got some tits, she will sell, they lost their fit.
Do you know the way to eBay?
I'm going there to buy some thirty-two double-Fs.

3 points for each breast.

OK, Google Baiters, add up the points. Now double them with this word: Naked.

Tune in next week for the next Carnival of the Google Bait Celebrities. Send entries to donsurber@yahoo.com. Deadline is Friday 11:59 p.m. Eastern. Linked to The TTLB ÃœberCarnival and Stop the ACLU and Samantha Burns and Wizbang and Basil's Blog and bRight and Early and Jo's Cafe and Point Five and Conservative Cat

See, this is what is wrong with the degenerate Empire that is AmeriKKKa---links to Paris Hilton, The Hasselhoff, and Rosie O'Donnell together with bestiality and Pizza Hut! For the love of all this is holy this is NOT what Google exists to do! Churning up your traffic by trading off the cheap and tawdry desires of geeks punching up Juliet Huddy and Alexandra Steele Weather channel babes naked nekkid pics is one thing, but how can you choose to denigrate the holy name of Pizza Hut so, Mister Surber?

I'm declaring a jihad on all things Surber for violating the third commandment (Thou shall not profane the Pizza Hut).