Middle Earth Conspiracy Theories

Fellowship 9/11 . Mike "Bill Ferny's Bitch"* Moore takes a look inside the Aragorn Administration to try and determine who really was responsible for the senseless carnage that was the West's response to the attack at Helm's Deep and why.

Leather Penguin says "Strider Lied, Orcs Died."

Rob of Say Anything pins it all on Gandalf.

Dr. Rusty, from whom I lifted the links, thinks Bilbo is the puppet-master behind Gondor's aggressive foreign policy.

Me, I think they're all getting confused by red herrings. The real power at work here obviously is Treebeard. Think about it. First, the Ents are very old-money conservatives. So they're completely calloused to the horrors of war among elves, men and orcs. Second, Treebeard quite plainly stated that he wasn't on anybody's side - which means he had no problem whatsoever manipulating everyone else for his own purposes. Third, the Ents had their own designs of conquest. All that hooey about wishing to look for the Entwives is a romantic fabrication to cover their territorial ambitions. Again, Treebeard said something to the hobbits about the size of the primeval forest in the Good Old Days. Elrond said something like that, too.

So what better way to get rid of the two main sources of orcs (and axes) that stood in their way than to hustle gullible men into attacking Isengard and Mordor?

Saruman, of all people, was on to them. Remember what he said at the parley at Orthanc about the wild wood demons and how one fine morning Theoden would wake up with a forest in front of his house?* Never mind the Huorns - Once Aragorn and his allies exhausted themselves taking down Saruman and Sauron, Treebeard would be able to mop up the surviving Eorlingas and Gondorians with a squad of rhododenron.

Truth is, Treebeard, wasn't that much different than Old Man Willow.* He was simply better at covering it up and presenting a lovable, folksy image to the world. Sound familiar?

(*If you have to ask, read the damn book.)