What America wants is a decent, inexpensive, hottie lesbian NFL cheerleader bar fighting video game

Frankly, we were quite disgusted that those chaps over at Independent Sources tried to google chum themselves by feigning outrage over The Story That Can Heal America's Wounds:

When we first read the story of the two red hot Carolina Panther cheerleaders arrested at a bar called “Banana Joes” for engaging in steamy girl-on-girl sex in a public restroom, we evaluated whether or not the story was Independent Sources material. No amount of sensual, physical, grinding action would make it appropriate for Independent Sources unless there was a connection to California politics, greedy plaintiff attorneys, or bad economic policy. Despite long, deep embraces, passionate open-mouth kisses, and the wildest, most mind-blowing, heart stopping female-on-female action, we just didn’t see how it fit into this site. We’re not even going to use obvious puns like “fantasy” football or “backfields in motion.” Nope, we are taking the high road all of the way and hope you our readers appreciate it.

Fellas, leave the breathy, feigned outrage to the experts. In the meantime, I'm firing up this puppy into the game cube. See you in about a week.