LIVE LLAMA BLOGGING--Election Day 2004!

WELCOME TO ELECTION NIGHT AT THE LLAMABUTCHERS!

The November 3--post midnight on election night---post is above.

We've been liveblogging this sucker since--what? 1215 AM last night?---so scroll down for all sorts of nuggets and to get a sense of the flow of the day.

All night, we're going to be posting the "LLamabutcher Big Board" and updating it when the info comes in. New posts will be added just below and will scroll down. Thanks for visiting the Llamabutchers, and if you've got something we need to cover, drop us a note in the TastyBits Mail Sack---llamabutchers AT yahoo.com!

11:55

All's not well at the Eagle's Nest:

GODDAMMIT: I just want it to be over. I'm beginning not to care if Ralph Nader wins as long as we don't have to endure more of this all week long. I guess the exit polls were as out of it as I am slowly getting this evening. Damn. And voting is still taking place in Pennsylvania. Will it ever end?

Might I suggest you slip some Warren Zevon into the Ipod?

Plus, Ace is worrying about premature Kim Richards. Patience, mon!

11:44

ABC declares Florida for Dubya. Still no word from NBC.

11:40

Katie the Resplendent Mango is liveblogging from a party----I personally saw her slay 12 orcs with 1 arrow. When you're fighting for your life at Helm's Deep, you want the Resplendent Mango on your side....

11:37

NBC--Brokaw was just asking Karen Hughes about the.......2nd term.

Don't get cocky, kid!

11:16 PM---Post 50

Am I the only one who thought it a bit odd for NBC to declare California and Washington for Kerry with 0% of the vote in, after dragging out the calls for the Bush states in the South for hours?

And, am I the only one who can't wait for Alan Keyes, Pat Buchanan, and Ron Reagan Jr. to go and start a private detective agency over a car wash in Vegas and get the hell out of our pundit lives?

And, am I the only one who is deeply, deeply, deeply disturbed by INDCent Bill revealing his preference for furry little (insertable) creatures doing vaguely Village People sorts of things?

10:58 PM

George Allen's on NBC right now---he headed up the Republican Senatorial Campaign Committee, and is thought to have presidential ambitions. But he's got to wipe the smirk off his face.

Although I can imagine he's thinking about Larry Sabato's predictions right now....that and the Redskins curse.

10:53 PM

New Jersey a premature call?

That would be pretty freakin' funny, given the role that Bruce Springsteen and Jon Bon Jovi played in the campaign.....

10:38

If we learned anything in 2000, it aint over until, well, insert a politcally incorrect metaphor here. But, if this holds, Dubya is going to be reelected tonight, and we'll be able to hit the hay before Letterman would usually be done.

10:33

Bunning holds his Senate seat in Kentucky. The Republicans will retain control of the US Senate.

10:11

The Bush reelect hits $63 at 1007 PM EST--that's a $30 swing in about 3 hours.

Someone needs to do an audit of Drudge's bank accounts.....

What's the line, Ted? "You are a steely-eyed missile man."

Look in at the state electoral contracts:

Ohio--$63
Florida--$86
Wisconsin--$60

The markets right now are projecting a Bush victory with 289 Electoral Votes.

9:50

Dubya, appearing loose and relaxed, makes the pitch for the stray voters in Nevada, New Mexico, and Hawaii. Bush Reelect future back above $55 at Tradesports.

9:49

Thank goodness---the Colorado Electoral College initiative is going down in flames.

9:42

Here's the Florida results as they come into the Washington Post, and here's Ohio.

Here are the official state Secretary of State sites:
Ohio

Florida

Whammer, I hope you are having fun!

9:16

Well now, look who's back from the dead at Tradesports....

8:53----THE TRIUMPH OF AMERICAN CONSITUTIONAL DEMOCRACY

Fox affiliate in DC is reporting Marion Barry is cruising to victory.

8:50

Why the hell did the networks call New Jersey but still won't call Virginia? I wish I knew how to do a screen shot off of Netscape, as the Washington Post has it checked for Kerry even though Bush is ahead. Is this just a screen screw-up?

Wait--they finally called Virginia.

Ace is itching to break out the cowbell. And mega-primo LLama Yips! to the Right Reverend Pixy Misa, the benevolent overlord and poobah of Moo Knew, who makes this be the best place to blog. Thanks, buddy! Elsewhere in the Moo Knew universe, Annika is doing what Annika does best. The Brain reached a conclusion we reached this afternoon: today WAS TRULY a bad day to stop huffing glue. Gordo---you thinking about sushi too much, man!

8:40

My eyeballs feel like they are going to pop out of my head.

8:37

Words I never thought I'd write: "Live Jawa Porn Blogging"

Meanwhile, Jeff at Beautiful Atrocities is taking advantage of this, the most solemn and important day in our democratic republic, to take cheap shots at Teh-RAY-zuh. REAL good cheap shots, by the way....
8:20

FLORIDA UPDATE---Geraghty has some interesting tidbits.

Here's the live Florida feed from the Washington Post.

Moo Knew is running slow (but steady, baby!), so I'm going to slow down the number of posts---somewhere around every 15 minutes or so.

Tradesports markets are still heavily against Bush---they're running 70-30 to Kerry. Florida and Nevada are running high, while the price on Iowa, New Mexico, Ohio, and Wisconsin are plummetting down into the 30s.

8:15

NBC concedes the Senate to the Republicans.

The "we can't call Virginia" stuff is crap.

7:43

Waiting for Florida.

Meanwhile, the Marriage Amendment is passing with flying colors in Kentucky. How long will it take Axis Sully to make a Deliverance joke?

Really interesting stuff over at Kerryspot---too good to be true?

INDCent Bill is following the lead of Senator John Blutarski: "My advice to you is to begin to drink heavily." Rae is holding her breath, and doing so elegantly, we assume. Freakin' Jen is assuming radio silence---hang in there, girl!

7:37 PM

The Commissar reports in for duty.

Teddy Kennedy is on the tee-vee right now, doing his best to drive my blood pressure through the roof.

Ace is nervous---you can almost hear him tapping the pencil on the edge of the table. Patience, big fella...

7:34 PM

Tradesports is back and accessible, and the electoral vote board is of course en fuego.

Four big states undergoing the biggest turbulence: Ohio, Iowa, New Mexico, and Florida.

7:30 PM

Ohio closes.

The die is cast.

6:46 PM

Here's the schedule for the evening---7 o'clock is a real doozy, as is 9.

Tee-vee turned on for the first time since yesterday night. Nothing like a little Simpsons to take the edge off....

6:39 PM

Damn him!

Just kidding. Seriously, it's stuff like that why I always go back to Vodkapundit...
Here's our post last night about Election Night partying in style.

6:12 PM
I've got that feeling right now from the scene in Trading Places, as the traders are standing on the floor waiting for the clock to open the market.....

Kentucky's returns are starting to roll in.

5:36---Dinner time

My thoughts on today's fake exit polls causing a huge move in the financial and political futures markets: how the heck do you think Soros was going to get his $23,650,00 in campaign 527 donations back?

Everyone's noticing that the net is working about as cleanly as a Salt Lake City bordello. REAL results will start coming in in about an hour---until then, dinner and family time.

UPDATE: Michele tells everyone to chill......

UPDATE: Tradesports seems to have melted too.

Too late, The Brain comes up with the winning campaign slogan for Dubya:

Bush 2004: Four more years of dead terrorists and lower taxes.

I sure picked a bad day to give up huffing glue.

5:12 PM---Ask your friendly neighborhood political scientist

Reader Barry S. writes in: "Dave, what should I make of the early exit polls showing Kerry doing well? I was going to go vote after work, but now, what's the point?"

The LLamas respond: Remember the old political science rule governing early exit polls: If it's not Scottish.....Itttttttttttz CRAP!

Seriously, this is Evan Thomas and his pals trying to deliver their 5% by suppressing the after work vote. Remember Florida in 2000, where they conveniently "forgot" the Florida panhandle was in the central time zone and declared Gore the winner before the polls closed in the overwhelmingly Republican part of the state?

But they sure as heck have spooked the electronic markets. Geez.

This is where it gets interesting, folks.

UPDATE: Bill's thinking warm happy thoughts (think a weasel wearing pink fuzzy bunny ears. Seriously)

5:06 PM

Picked up the kids from school, drove my eldest daughter to ballet, napped in the car for an hour with the window down---DAMN if today isn't the most beautiful day of the year: warm but not humid, windy without being blow-ee, the beautiful autumn smell in the air.

No snark there---I just love it when real life intrudes.

Okay, now then, back to the snide, snarky, jackassey approach you expect from the LLamas.

Add Whil Wheaton (aka Wesley Crusher) to the list of celebs who might soon become exiles.... Of course, his newfound dismay just might be due to those nagging memories that are starting to resurface about the first season of The Next Generation when Cmdr. Riker wanted to go play horsey on the holodeck. But maybe that's just me, Mr. Vegas....

2:13 P.M.

John Kerry--the Protein Wisdom Interview.

Okay, that's 25 posts--I have to start pacing myself here. Time for a break. I'm going for a walk. Back after 4.

2 P.M. IF A THOUSAND MONKEYS FILED A THOUSAND LAWSUITS AT A THOUSAND POLLS....

Wizbang sends out marching orders to the pajamuhadeen on what to be on the look out for. Any sings of these, please report! The quicker the information gets out, the quicker it can be quashed. This sort of stuff to succeed requires as little public scrutiny as possible. And if there's one thing blogs can do, is turn a whole heck of a lot of scrutiny on in a directed fashion in a heartbeat.

1:24 THE FIRST EARLY RETURNS!!!!

From the political futures markets, at least.

Here's the "Bush is reelected" contract's performance today at Tradesports.com:

It's currently trading at $57.4, with a huge queue going higher.

Meanwhile, "Kerry elected" is dropping like a stone.

Here's what the electoral college markets look like:

We'll see what happens--this will become a heck of a lot more volatile until the smoke clears later.

1:12 P.M

The Redskins Election Indicator Conspiracy revealed!

1:10 P.M.

Lileks is in a bad mood, but he promises kumbaya tomorrow.

Now THAT I gotta see!

12:50 P.M.---More celebrity poll workers for Kerry!

Fans went wild at this West Palm Beach polling place when Dennis Hopper came by to rally the troops for Kerry.

Or maybe it was Peter Fonda. They're kinda hard to tell apart these days...

12:41 P.M.

Why is this man smiling?

Chief Kerry pollster publishes prediction of a three point win.....for Dubya?

12:35 P.M.

Well, back in the good old days, the Democrats bribed voters with big vats of whiskey. Nowadays, I guess Haagen-dazs does the trick.

12:20 P.M.

Hugh is upbeat---on Daschele losing his seat, and the effect the Philly "I see dead people voting" story might have on Republican turnout.

12:16 P.M.

Ever wonder what they do at those phonebanks after the polls open?

RIIIIIIIIING

"Hello. Gore Residence. Big Al speaking."

(fake British accent) "Excuse me, but do you have any Prince Albert in a can?"

"WHO IS THIS....SHFGJGJTJK...DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?"

"Have a nice day, Punk!"

11:59 AM

Celebrity exile planning UPDATE!

First Amerikan Icon Robert Redford plans to move to Ireland---now Larry Flynt is planning to stay in France.

Let's go to the tape:

American porn mogul Larry Flynt said he may decide to go into exile if George W Bush is re-elected president of the United States.

"If Bush is re-elected - but I don't want to even consider the thought for one second - I really have to think about living somewhere else," Flynt said early Monday in a strip club on the Champs Elysees in Paris where he was celebrating his 62nd birthday.

Flynt, who made his fortune after publishing the popular porn magazine Hustler, said he had come to Paris to "escape the nauseating atmosphere of the electoral campaign".

He was accompanied by 40 strippers, who came to Paris especially for the birthday celebration. Holding one well-endowed dancer in each arm, Flynt told journalists that he hoped American voters would make "a good choice for their individual freedoms".

Let's see that fat, talentless bastard and former movie star Alec Baldwin try to top THAT!

UPDATE: Add potential exile Patti LaBelle to the list, which is significant if you were one of the few people who realized she was still alive.

11:53 AM

Tires of GOP get out the vote vehicles found slashed in Milwaukee.

You know, maybe Bowling Alone isn't such a bad thing after all...

11:48

Palm Beach Vote Lawsuit II: The Revenge of Theresa LePore

Well, at least the Florida/Palm Beach litigation took five hours to get going.

You think the voters would have tossed this ditz out of office after she turned her county into a worldwide joke four years ago? But nooooooooooooooo........

Maybe they can get Kirstie Alley to play her in the movie....

11:06 AM

HOLY CRAP!

The United States Supreme Court officially enters the 2004 election.

That only took, what, four hours and eight minutes?

Bonus points to the person who can send me the first article that notes that Justice Stevens was a Ford appointment, and, you know, CHENEY and RUMSFELD worked for Ford too.....(insert Star Wars Imperial March music here), or note that Stevens likes to wear bow ties, as have many convicted serial child molestors....

11:04 AM

Here's the roundup on celebrities who've vowed to leave the country if (when) Bush wins.

Not that anyone would doubt their patriotism or anything.....

10:57 AM

The LLamabutchers Present Reason #875 to vote for Dubya:

John Kerry's idea of a "nuanced" foreign policy includes THIS man as his ambassador to Germany

10:45

Ace has set up an open tip line, while Nicole had absolutely no problems, save a large Korean Elvis impersonator who kept handing out Nader stuff within the gym, and had to be forcibly detained using tasers and a net. But I bet the dinosaur liberal media doesn't cover that. INDCent Bill is drowning his sorrows with an all day West Wing marathon on TBS. We know Bill is a diehard, loyal member of the digital brownshirt pajamuhadeen, yet we still tolerate his Allison Janney fantasies.... Meanwhile, Celluloid Wisdom correspondent former teen idol Leif Garrett drops in with some important voting advice for the kids out there thinking of not voting.

UPDATE: Michele is taking IMs.

10:22 AM

I SEE DEAD PEOPLE....VOTING

The shennanigans start early in the city of brotherly love.

10:16 AM

I wonder if this will give Mikey Moore second thoughts about his newfound fan in Pakistan....

Paiging Ms. Morrissette, Ms. Alanis Morrissette, irony cleanup, aisle five...

10:04 AM

Kevin at Wizbang is covering his bases---one of these is correct.

UPDATE: Er, yeah...?

10:01 AM

DOCTOR SMITH....WHAT YOU HAVE DONE IS WRONG!

Screw the election and go straight to the litigation: Daschele pulls the trigger. Let's just say it's lacking in the drama of the Scopes Trial.

Maybe we need to update what Don Corleone used to say about a man with a briefcase can steal more in a day than a hundred men with guns can in a year.

Me? I agree with the Robot.

9:30 AM

Remember that time in 86 when Kerry, wicked hammahed after an all night bender with Teddy Kay when they hit golf balls off the roof of Bethesda to punch out the windows of vets' cars, got on to the floor of the Senate and proposed that tax on butter churns?

I think it might come back and bite him in the keister today:

8:59 AM

I went in to vote and they gave me #133, although there was no line.

I got the nice poll lady to take my picture going in---pajamuhadeen rule!

Here's what awaited me inside the booth:

What can I say, am I going to let Jon Bon Jovi tell me how to vote? Screw him and the John Cougar Mellencamp he rode in on!

7:30 AM

I KNEW IT! FRAUD IN BUSHITLER THE SMIRKY CHIMPEROR'S AMERIKA!!

They just had to go and steal the vote in Dixville Notch. Bastards. At least we have the Commissar watching them with the steely eyes of the vanguard of the proletariat. Meanwhile our betters---morally, ethically, and intellectually, just not orthodontically or hygenically---in Europe let us know what they think of the oldest democracy in the world:

Screw you too, mes ami.

12:54 AM

I'm going to try to get some sleep. I have a feeling though that it's going to be mostly tossing and turning, and tomorrow's going to be a long day....

12:10 AM

The Tradesports Electoral College Market is en fuego. As dawn approaches on the book in Ireland, and as Dixville Notch (Motto: The Footnote of Amerika!) votes live on MNF, here's what the Electoral College looks like to the markets:

Goldstein weighs in with his count: LLamas like!

Posted by Steve at November 2, 2004 12:12 AM | TrackBack