Next Thing You Know, Wookiees Will Be Rearranging Deck Chairs on the Millenium Falcon

Courtesy of Ith, I give you, my devoted Cake Eater Llamabutcher* readers, "Titanic in Space."

Director George Lucas had a message for fans as he previewed a glimpse of the final tale in the billion-dollar "Star Wars" film franchise: leave the lightsabers at home, but don't forget the tissues.

"It's not like the first one. It's more emotional," said the director of the upcoming space adventure "Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith," which arrives in theaters May 19.

"I describe it as a 'Titanic' in space. It's a real tearjerker, and it will be received in a way that none of us can expect," he told theater owners at the ShoWest convention.{...}

Memo
To: Bobo The Clown George Lucas
From: Me

Re: Revenge of the Sith PR

1. Stop saying idiotic things to promote this film. It's not going to be for grownups. (Or for people with half a brain, for that matter. Or people who have loved the movies since day one. Or the sand people. Or Jedis-in-hiding., etc.) It's not going to be "Titanic in space," because you haven't the talent to make it so. Not that that's saying much. It isn't. But Titanic was better than Episode I and II combined and multiplied by a thousand. And if, on the off chance you actually manage to get it right, well, really, thanks, but no thanks. GAG! My heart, will, indeed, manage to go on without it. Really. I'd rather be strapped into a chair and forced to listen to that song until the Apocalypse than watch Hayden Christensen and Natalie Portman get lovey-dovey again.

2. We're all going to go and see it anyway. Because you've suckered us once again. Last time it was Yoda kicking ass. This time it's the wookiee army. You've got us. Stop trying to sell us.

And while I'm at it...

3. You owe me one big ass bottle of Advil for all the times you've made me so frustrated my only option has been to pound my head on my desk. You've give me headaches, Bobo George; cough up the pain medication, eh? It's not like you're poor, what with all of that money hanging out of your pockets. Go and buy me some Advil, damnit.

4. What the hell is a "nerf" anyway? And why would one need to "herd" them?

*Which freakin' blog am I at anyway? This guest blogging thing gets confusing sometimes.