March 20, 2005

Next Thing You Know, Wookiees Will Be Rearranging Deck Chairs on the Millenium Falcon

Courtesy of Ith, I give you, my devoted Cake Eater Llamabutcher* readers, "Titanic in Space."

Director George Lucas had a message for fans as he previewed a glimpse of the final tale in the billion-dollar "Star Wars" film franchise: leave the lightsabers at home, but don't forget the tissues.

"It's not like the first one. It's more emotional," said the director of the upcoming space adventure "Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith," which arrives in theaters May 19.

"I describe it as a 'Titanic' in space. It's a real tearjerker, and it will be received in a way that none of us can expect," he told theater owners at the ShoWest convention.{...}

To: Bobo The Clown George Lucas
From: Me

Re: Revenge of the Sith PR

1. Stop saying idiotic things to promote this film. It's not going to be for grownups. (Or for people with half a brain, for that matter. Or people who have loved the movies since day one. Or the sand people. Or Jedis-in-hiding., etc.) It's not going to be "Titanic in space," because you haven't the talent to make it so. Not that that's saying much. It isn't. But Titanic was better than Episode I and II combined and multiplied by a thousand. And if, on the off chance you actually manage to get it right, well, really, thanks, but no thanks. GAG! My heart, will, indeed, manage to go on without it. Really. I'd rather be strapped into a chair and forced to listen to that song until the Apocalypse than watch Hayden Christensen and Natalie Portman get lovey-dovey again.

2. We're all going to go and see it anyway. Because you've suckered us once again. Last time it was Yoda kicking ass. This time it's the wookiee army. You've got us. Stop trying to sell us.

And while I'm at it...

3. You owe me one big ass bottle of Advil for all the times you've made me so frustrated my only option has been to pound my head on my desk. You've give me headaches, Bobo George; cough up the pain medication, eh? It's not like you're poor, what with all of that money hanging out of your pockets. Go and buy me some Advil, damnit.

4. What the hell is a "nerf" anyway? And why would one need to "herd" them?

*Which freakin' blog am I at anyway? This guest blogging thing gets confusing sometimes.

Posted by Kathy at March 20, 2005 01:14 AM

I heartily agree with you about Christiansen/Portman. Egads! You'd think he could have found two people that had a sliver of acting ability (i.e. the ability to emote) rather than the two wooden figurines that remind me of my days of directing high school musicals.

That said, Lucas (ILM) has revolutionized special effects in filmaking and they can't take that away from him. But he seems to be trying his best to destroy a franchise that inspired so many and entertained many more.

Posted by: Superhawk at March 20, 2005 08:21 AM

Wasnt the "Titanic in Space" an idea of Douglas Adams or something?

Posted by: Lemuel Kolkava at March 20, 2005 02:40 PM
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