February 19, 2005


Here at the LLama Report we have startling STUNNING new pix that takes the scandal involving completely gay behavior and the White House Press Office to the next level.

Sadly, this scoop implicates not just your humble reporter, but two of our own, Bill of INDC Journal and Gordon the CrankyNeoCon, in their truly gay tryst with former White House Press Secretary Ari Fleischer, and explains certainly the rise to prominence of certain right wing blogs....

ari fleischer.jpeg

It's a sad tale, our descent into dressing up as Klingons. Bill turned to me one night, watching a rerun of STTNFG, and said to me out of the blue: "this is so unrealistic: I could play a much more convincing Klingon than that!"

A look of magic passed between our eyes: no more would we be mocked for our forbidden love of Civil War Reenacting. We could find our one true release among our own kind. Just as there are lesbians born to a life of eternal torture in the bodies of virile heterosexual men, there are Klingons born to a life of eternal p^unk ~sch, born as they are in the measlely bodies of ancient Terrans.

No more would our warrior souls suffer in silence!

The next weekend, there we were for "TREKCON 2005" at the Altoona Civic Center, where we happen to cross swords with our old pal Gordon the Cranky Neo-Con. "FLach^UCgK!" (which means, "No new taxes, Donkey bitch" in Klingon) we shouted, when a Klingon warrior turned and looked.

I'd recognize that face, ridges or no, anywhere, from the thousands of hours I sat flipping back and forth from CSPAN-2 and the Sci-Fi channel, mocking the historical and technological errors in Babylon 5.

"Ari....?" I asked, my Klingon beard trembling?

"KUm^ fyACH!" (Which means "Hey, bitch, keep your voice down!" in Klingon)

gay klingon neocons.jpg
Gordo, Bill and Ari at TREKCON 05 at the Altoona Civic Center

Needless to say, with the discovery that the former White House Press Secretary was Klingon like us, we were in like Flynn. Access? Hell yeah. I mean, forget Clinton: we were the first Klingons to sleep in the Lincoln Bedroom! You see, once we had accessed the Sekrit underground Trek Wannabe world of the White House, there was no stopping us.

Rumsfeld? Cardassian Commander IchFALL to you!
Cheney? Star Fleet Command High Admiral U. B. Mybeeyitch
Laura? Man, all I can say is that I'll never look at the constellation Orion the same way again. Forget Red versus Blue: I'm green state all the way, baby!

One memorable night, Ari (I mean Commander JurG^Tha), Bill, Gordo, and I went out and threw eggs at all the losers coming out of a Star Wars card show, only to get chased by some cops after taunting repeatedly a guy for his lame Jabba the Hut costume, only it turned out it wasn't a costume.

Because, let's face it: can you get any gay-er than Terran Klingons?

I didn't think so...

Posted by Steve at February 19, 2005 02:27 PM

Close your italics! I'm bliiiiiind!

Posted by: Joe R. the Unabrewer at February 19, 2005 02:30 PM

Perhaps the most incomprehensible lunacy ever posted on this site. And as we all know, that's saying something.

Posted by: Bill from INDC at February 19, 2005 03:15 PM

You are without honor. In the name of Fek-Lahr you shall taste vengeance. I mean, lotsa respectable pillars of society dress up like Klingons on the weekends.

Posted by: Gordon at February 21, 2005 10:08 AM
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