Getting to "No"

My real-world pal Sparky is in a rage over a recent Newsweek article about the "problems" modern parents are facing in trying to set limits for their children.

Count me in as a fellow-rager. Sparky and I don't see absolutely eye-to-eye on the matter of raising children. (I believe in asserting more academic and social control than she does. My response to the kid who'd rather go surfing than study for his SAT's would be that once he's a grown-up he can spend his life on the beach if he wants but in the meantime it's my job to see that he gets as good an education as possible so that he can reach for higher things if he later wants to.) But I heartily agree with her disgust over this pablum of justification, selfishness, guilt, whining and groupthink.

From the article, it's abundantly clear that the problem is with the parents, not the kids. These are the Boomers, after all, a generation (WARNING: gratuitous overgeneralization approaching) for whom I have a great deal of contempt. Having rejected their own parents' family values and child-rearing techniques, they simply haven't the faintest idea what to do themselves when trying to factor children into their narcissistic worldview. Hence the pig's breakfast they're making of their responsibilities to their own kids and their panicky summons of therapists and other "experts" to provide them a way out. God give me strength.

Sparky is right. Saying "no" really isn't that difficult. (In fact, one of my well-worn Dad phrases is "What part of 'no' are you having trouble understanding?") You simply need to be enough of an adult to sit down with yourself and do some honest thinking about what is truly best for your child over the long run (hint: it ain't keeping up with the neighbors or making sure that you're the kid's "buddy") and then commit yourself to keeping your eye on these long-term goals despite all the distractions around you. In other words, grow up.