September 06, 2004

Holy Social Contract, Batman!

A rather gloomy afternoon here in Your Nation's Capital for hosting a Labor Day cookout, which is what this Llama is about to undertake. Fortunately - touch wood - it isn't pouring rain yet, so I should be able to grill without any trouble. Unfortunately, it is sufficiently soggy to prevent people from milling around outside, which is what I'd been hoping they would do.

Now, it'll probably collapse into a kitchen party. We hates kitchen parties! Those builder's ads that trumpet the big open kitchen with the island in the middle - perfect for casual entertainment - give me the screaming heebie-jeebies. We've got a perfectly good living room, a perfectly good dining room and a perfectly good library. Why the hell do people have to congregate in the kitchen to watch all the preparations? Takes all the style and mystery out of it and replaces them with a familiarity I can do without. I mean, if you and your significant other are going to spend a romantic evening together, you don't hang around the bathroom watching each other get ready, do you? (If you do, I don't want to hear about it.)

Anyway, I have never yet hit upon a line that at once lifts people out of the kitchen and at the same time does not appear very rude. So rather than appearing surly, I just try to use my diabolical mind control to will them into another room. Alas, it usually doesn't work very well. Grrr.

UPDATE: All is well. The rain held off, the kids disbursed into the yard, the adults drifted on to the porch and we spent the evening snarking about the Dems' panic. Yours truly was responsible for cooking 16 burgers and 20 dogs on my trusty Webber 30 inch grill. I had 'em rotating through in a manner that would put an O'Hare air traffic controller to shame. Finally, what better way to cap things off than the two year old literally pushing the Missus and me upstairs and saying "Bedtime! Bedtime!"

In other words, I had a good time in spite of myself.

Posted by Robert at September 6, 2004 04:32 PM | TrackBack

Do not despair, you are not alone. The gathering in the kitchen phenomenon occurs everywhere across this great land of ours. I think it's a throwback to the old gathering around the fire ritual dating back to the beginning of time. If you think it's bad in your kitchen, try cooking in a kitchen the size of a small clothes closet with everyone in the dinner party hanging over your shoulder. And it's worse when your mother is there and giving "advice". The solution is to just take the lot of them out to dinner.

Posted by: Karen at September 7, 2004 01:37 AM

Fear not, darlin'. Just get yourself a human sheepdog to herd them to other rooms for no particular reason (a good sheepdog can come up with a reason without help), freeing you to create in peace. Those sheep will be outta your hair in no time at all.

Posted by: Denise at September 7, 2004 02:42 AM

Why congregate in the kitchen to watch preparations? Kitchen porn, of course! Why do people like it? I don't know, why do people like pornography? There's a blog-worthy topic.

Posted by: Sparky at September 9, 2004 08:28 AM
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