WHAT THE.....?????????

This just in: the Sydney Morning Herald reports that our old pal Muqtada al-Sadr has asked Pope John Paul II to mediate the "standoff" in Najaf.

For "standoff" insert "Muqtada's imminent arrival in hell."

Let's go to the tape:

The radical Shiite preacher Moqtada al-Sadr has invited the Pope to help solve the conflict between his militia and US-led Iraqi government forces in the holy city of Najaf.

"We welcome the offer from the Pope at the Vatican and we invite him to solve the crisis," a Sadr spokesman, Ahmed al-Shaibani, said yesterday.

The Vatican offered on Monday to mediate to avoid further bloodshed and destruction in Najaf, where Sadr's militia are holed up in the centre of the city around the Imam Ali shrine, one of the holiest sites in Shiite Islam.

"If asked, John Paul II would gladly accept a mediation role," the Vatican Secretary of State, Cardinal Angelo Sodano, told Italian public radio.

Intense fighting broke out again yesterday between US-led forces and militants in Najaf, while in Baghdad insurgents fired mortar bombs into a crowded street near a police station, killing at least seven people and wounding 42, the Interior Ministry said.

Heavy gunfire and mortar bombs boomed around the Imam Ali mosque in Najaf as 70 political and religious delegates from a national conference in Baghdad were due to arrive to meet Sadr and urge him to leave.

The convoy delayed travelling to the city amid security fears. "We received reports that there would be ambushes on the way to Najaf targeting the delegation," said Fawzi Hamza, an independent politician leading the team.

He said the mission had not been cancelled, adding that for security reasons he could not say when the team would leave. The delegation intends to present Sadr and his forces with a list of demands: leave the shrine, disarm and join the political process.

In exchange, Sadr and members of his Mahdi Army militia will receive amnesty and safe passage out of the shrine.

Although Sadr has agreed to meet the delegation, there are no signs that he would abandon his fight to drive US forces out of Iraq - one he has vowed to pursue until "victory or martyrdom".

All I know is that THIS guy is going to have a field day with this.

I'm speechless....well, almost.

The TOP TEN REASONS MUQTADA AL-SADR WANTS THE POPE TO MEDIATE IN NAJAF:

10. Jonesing for a ride in the Popemobile
9. Needs some spiritual guidance after getting all confused reading "Angels and Demons"
8. Wants to personally issue a fatwah against "The DaVinci Code"
7. Is hoping the Pope can get him Reese Whitherspoon's home phone number
6. "John Paul? I told you to get me Sean John, you son of a camel!"
5. Heard the one about the Pope, Hillary Clinton, and Ariel Sharon in a plane with two parachutes and a backpack, and wanted to know if it was true
4. Wants to congratulate the Pope on his brave stand against feminism in the modern world, and maybe after that catch a little Olympic beach volleyball on the Pope's plasma wide-screen
3. Got a funny feeling in his pants watching the Sound of Music and needs forgiveness
2. "Seriously, Achmed---he's the Pope! And all those infidel American Catholics do everything the Pope tells them to!"

And the number one reason Muqtada al-Sadr is inviting the Pope to Najaf

1. It's a plot by Bushitlermcsmirkychimp and his evil Sith Masters as Harkenbechtelhalliburton to steal the election!

UPDATE: Quite possible the most offensive thing I've ever done goes into the extended entry section....