February 22, 2005

Mus Iactus Est


It's official: I'm going to Disney World.

Yes, two weeks from today I'm going to be chin-deep in Magic Kingdom Shlock. I get the willies just reading about this stuff on their website. Imagine, if you will, how I'm going to deal with it in person. ("Never completely sober," is, perhaps, as good an answer as any.) Just to give you an idea of what's in store, I am informed that we are signed up one morning to have breakfast at Cinderella's Royal Table. According to all the Disney afficionados I've spoken with (and it's spooky weird how many of these people exist), this is supposed to be a major deal. Hmph.

I know, I know, it's all "for the children". Maybe. But I never went when I was a kid and you can tell how well-adjusted I am now....(grumble, grumble, grumble)

As a matter of fact, what prompted me in the end not to hide behind my work schedule was the thought of the Butcher's Wife - who swore she was going no matter what I did - driving all the way to Florida from Dee Cee on her own with the Llama-ettes. I just couldn't bear the idea of her having to deal with that cast-iron bitch of a trip all by herself.

The Missus knows all about what I think of the whole business, so we've struck a deal: I get to blog about the trip (call this a test post) if, in exchange, I at least put on a pretend smile while I'm there. This sounds reasonable - a pretend smile seems quite appropriate for a place where everything else is fake.....

Anyhoo, I doubt if I'm going to have much access to the Web while I'm down there. I plan to take some notes and do a series when I get back. In the meantime, we're finalizing plans to bring in a Special Guest Blogger in my absence. More details on that as we fix them up.

In the meantime, I may as well get used to it: Squeek! Squeek! Squeek!

UPDATE: Just to get yourself into the swing of things, why not take the What Disney Princess Are You Quiz, courtesy of the Mad Sister? (For what ought to be obvious reasons, I passed.)

Posted by Robert at February 22, 2005 12:56 PM

Robert - just so you don't get all disapointed when you get there - the Magic Kingdom DOES NOT serve alcohol, at all.

My wife is a Disney Junkie and we live an hour away... ugh...

Anyways, MGM & Epcot serve beer. There is a game we play called 'around the world' in which we drink at every 'country' in Epcot. The Animal Kingdom offers beer as well as several full liquor bars.

Breakfast with Cinderella - the kids will love it and you'll want to throw one of the costumed rats in the lake. Trust me - don't. This gets you 'removed' from the park. And there is nothing like sitting out in the hot florida sun waiting for your family to get done having fun.

Posted by: Hector Vex at February 22, 2005 01:27 PM

Breakfast at CT is a child-filled screaming mess, but fun. For lunch, they actually serve good food and at a reasonable price (for Disney). Downtown Disney also has real BARS, although they are more like trendy clubs....

Posted by: caltechgirl at February 22, 2005 02:13 PM

We're actually staying at the Animal Kingdom. Thanks for the head's up - now I'll know to take on a sufficient load before setting out.....

Posted by: Robert the LB at February 22, 2005 02:17 PM

You'll have a great time. Trust me...

Posted by: jen at February 22, 2005 02:28 PM

I'm jealous! I love Disneyland, but have never been to DWorld.

Posted by: Ith at February 22, 2005 02:58 PM

Oh man, I feel for you. I can't wait to read your take on the "magic" kingdom. Just so you can be nice and jealous, as you languish in the happy-fun-shiny-fake place, I will have just concluded yet another weekend with my boys' Cub Scout pack on the USS Lexington in Corpus Christi. The whole family's going this time (even the lady-folk).

After disembarking, we plan to head up the gulf coast to Galveston for a few days with a couple of the other Cub Scout families, and spend some fun time on the beach before driving back home.

I bet I'll have twice the fun at a quarter of the price. Neener neener. (Just kidding - I know plenty of jaded, cynical old farts like us who actually have had a good time at Disney).

Posted by: JohnL at February 22, 2005 03:09 PM

That's one slippery slope ahead of you, Rob. Next thing you know you'll be heading to NYC and the American Girls' Store.

Posted by: Fausta at February 22, 2005 03:22 PM

As the immortal Wodehouse would have put it, the Disney experience is going to take you "to another and dreadful world". My wife and I took our first-born when he was about five years old, and all I can remember is shuffling along in endless lines ("From this point your wait is approximately 45 minutes"), experiencing cookery only a few steps removed from canabilism, and scattering large amounts of cash in all directions like a Chicago ward heeler. And to top it off, our son remembers practically none of it (though the whole thing is certainly seared - SEARED - into my memory; to this day, if I hear a snatch of the tune "It's a Small, Small World", I fall to the ground and curl up in a state of catatonic shock).

Go with God.

Posted by: D. Carter at February 22, 2005 03:31 PM

The last time we were on Orlando I played sick one day and hung at the pool. What great fun! Men in small shorts and women in er- small shorts trotting around, bringing drinks and snacks...
Then, it was off to the spa for a massage and facial! This was the best day of our stay in Orlando for me!
Robert-consider playing sick and blogging poolside...

Posted by: babs at February 22, 2005 03:41 PM

A day's drive on I-95, then Disney World? Ugh, you have my sympathy. Disney is about the last place I'd ever want to go. Filled with oversized rodents who are always a bit too chipper for me.

Posted by: RobertJ at February 22, 2005 03:45 PM

OOOH. Don't forget to stop at South of the Border on the way! I think there may be a sign or two pointing it out.

Posted by: Sarah at February 23, 2005 11:40 AM

You have my sympathy, Bill. Back when I was a kid I thought Disney World was a pretty distasteful experience, and I doubt that it's improved much since then. If you're looking for a nice dyspeptic anti-Disney screed to take along, I'd recommend "Team Rodent" (journalism) and "Native Tongue" (beach fiction), both by Carl Hiaasen. Carl is not a big fan of The Mouse.

Posted by: utron at February 23, 2005 01:37 PM

Before I got married, my wife-to-be stated that before the nuptials I was to take her to Disneyland (we being in CA) because, and I quote, "it's the happiest fucking place on earth, and you're going to God-damned well have a good fucking time, God damn it!"

After the recovery from the frying pan implantation in my scalp, we did indeed go down to the happiest F-ing place on earth, and I crossed her up by dropping the engagement diamond on her just before the Electrical Parade.

The moral of the story: MUCHO brownie points can be picked up in this trip with a jolly attitude. Besides, you have something that I didn't have - a willing audience to read about the excesses of Disney.

Now, repeat after me:

It's a small world, after all....

Good luck. And good hunting.

Posted by: JD at February 23, 2005 10:46 PM

It really isn't as bad as everyone makes it out to be. My wife and I have been six times and we thoroughly enjoy it. Epcot is the best of the four parks. Yes, it can be sappy and it can be sugary, but if you decide to enjoy it you can.

Posted by: ProphetCat at February 24, 2005 12:13 PM
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