Gratuitous Domestic Posting (TM)

A few days ago I was fool enough to mention within earshot of the Butcher's Wife that I thought spring would be here sooner rather than later and that I supposed it was getting on toward time to start thinking about projects. Never one to let the grass grow under her feet, she immediately seized on this thought and, literally fifteen minutes later, had produced a Honey-Do List. If you've been wondering how I'm going to spend my spare time over the next few months until it's time to rake the leaves next fall, look no further. Here's how:

1. Remove railings from driveway. We have some board and post fencing between the sidewalk and the street which we've decided we don't like very much. I actually won't mind this job, as destruction is always more fun than construction. What I can't remember is whether the posts were anchored in cement. I don't think so, but if they are, it's going to be that much tougher.

2. Fill holes where doors were and touch up paint. Just before Christmas, we got rid of a couple of nasty early-70's vintage French doors. I took both doors and hinge assemblies off, leaving the remaining spaces in the doorframes to be puttied and painted over.

3. Fix front shutter. One of the shutters on the front of the house is missing about six inches of wood from the bottom. I've pointed out numerous times that no one can even see it, especially in the summer when the hydrangia in front of it is in full leaf/flower. But to no availe.

4. Replace panel above sink. Another holdover from the early 70's, this board has a Kuntry Kuteness that has recently started giving the Missus the crazies.

5. Grout around kitchen floor. Constant pounding from the herd of buffalo known as our children keeps shaking the stuff loose. My suggestion was to just keep sweeping all the crumbs they produce into the holes.

6. Paint French doors in Mommy and Daddy's bedroom. They sit between the bedroom itself and a little hallway with the bathroom and closet. Why she didn't include this area - which also needs painting - in the list is a mystery to me. (UPDATE: Actual quote from the Missus: "I was being nice. Now you can go ahead and add it to the list. Smartass.")

7. Paint upstairs hallway. What the hell is "taupe"?

8. Stain swing set. We have a small version of one of those wooden Rainbow swingsets/treehouse/slide contraptions. Unfortunately, it has to be touched up every few years. Hmph. When I was a kid, we had a metal A-fram with cracked plastic seats. If you swung hard enough, you could flip the thing over.

9. Clean and stain deck. I could swear that I did this last year, but the Missus says it was two or three years ago.

10. Paint playhouse. Our handyman friend built the gels a little 4X8 playhouse that sits out behind the swings. It's painted yellow but is starting to fade to something closer to cream. The Missus and I are having a bit of a tussle about just how high up the priority list this one really needs to be.

11. Paint backyard fence. It's a white rail fence. We've had so much rain the past couple of summers that the moss has really gotten itself established on some of the shadier parts. This project is one that I'm hoping to work a little Tom Sawyer magic on - it's not easy for a kid to screw up slapping white paint on a fence rail.

Upon handing this list to me, the Missus batted her big blue eyes and said, "This shouldn't take you too long, Dear." Grrrrh.