Some questions to ponder over bagels and Book World

Rocket Jones muses about Canadian self-loathing and transhumanics, and then poses the cosmic eschatalogical question baffling theologians for centuries: What if Gawhd is a Patriots fan?

I shudder even typing those words....

Meanwhile, down in the basement lab where the disemodied Brain floats free in a large translucent vat of pure energy, the following question emerges: what is the greater threat to the future of the Amerikan Republik: homeschoolers, or SUVs?

"Oooo! Ooooooo! OOOOOO! Mistah Kotter! MISTAH KOTTER!"

"Yes, Horseshack?"

(Goofy nasal laugh) What if we just renamed them LARGE Utility Vehicles, that way our roads can be filled with LUV?

Speaking of clearing up philosophical questions of the ages, our old pal Rae solves the conundrum that plagued even Descartes: what exactly is the difference between a scallion and a shallot?