January 08, 2005

Gratuitous Domestic Posting (TM) - Cranky Traditionalist Party Preparation

As we were assembling the supplies to take over to Llama-ette No. 2's birthday party tomorrow, came before us the matter of the pinata.

If you haven't been to a kid's birthday lately, you may not know that these days it is quite common - when a pinata is featured at all - to have the little darlin's pull a series of strings dangling from the bottom of the thing in order to break it open, rather than employing the more traditional method of brute force.

This drives me absolutely batty and is, as far as I'm concerned, a classic symptom of What Is Wrong with our Culture, Child-rearing Division. I don't know whether the Tweedledum of Potential Injury and/or Liability or the Tweedledee of Concern Over Promoting Violent Behavior started this particular practice (or as some people probably call it, "option"), but I'm convinced they're working in tandem to perpetuate it.

Well not on my watch, pilgrim.

Looking about me for materials with which to do the pinata right, I discovered that by removing the head of my large garage broom and screwing a hook into the end of the handle, I had a perfect pole from which to dangle the pinata in front of the kiddies. I also found that by removing the head from the gels' toy rake, I was left with a four foot wooden pole that made an ideal whackin' stick. To wrap both of these in pink and green crepe paper and to festoon them with streamers of the same material was, for me, the work of a moment. (Actually, it was the work of about an hour, but I was so pleased with the results that it seemed like just a moment.)

When she was shown the festive new weapon, my soon-to-be-five year old's eyes blazed with a certain buccaneering gleem I've noticed in them more than once. She knows exactly what to do. And I guarantee both she and her little friends will have a whoooole lot more fun taking swings at Mr. Paper Mache Star tomorrow than they would have had simply yanking on lame little pieces of string dangling from it.

Posted by Robert at January 8, 2005 03:51 PM

A hearty amen from me! Pulling strings is so lame.

Posted by: Jordana at January 8, 2005 04:48 PM

Not to rain on your rant, but how old is L-ette number 2? I've only ever seen string pinatas at little kids' birthday parties. Most parties for kids 8 and up feature the real thing here.

I hope she had a great party, lame pinata notwithstanding.

Posted by: JohnL at January 8, 2005 09:36 PM

Oops! Please delete prior comment (grinning in shame) I commented before I read the whole thing. Sorry!

Sounds like you remedied the lameness of the strings.

Are you blindfolding them??

Posted by: JohnL at January 8, 2005 09:38 PM

I dunno, but am I the only one who reads a story about a string hanging from a pinata and thinks of a tampon right away?

Let the kid whack a real pinata. Its the American thing to do.

Posted by: azlibertarian at January 8, 2005 09:39 PM

Somehow, threatening someone that "I'm gonna pull your strings like a pinata" just doesn't have the same impact as "I'm gonna beat you..."

Posted by: triticale at January 8, 2005 10:02 PM

We did the string thing, but The Wife made it, saving me $17 of my hard-earned wages.

It was pretty satisfying to see a large volume of candy rocketing down on greedy little heads.

Posted by: Richard at January 8, 2005 11:30 PM

Robert, you do know that girls like almost anything better if it is dressed pretty? Even weapons.

Posted by: Rae at January 9, 2005 07:53 PM

I think you should have kept the string thing and replaced the candy and toys inside with wishes and promises...
Some ideas:
I promise to save the rain forest
I promise to only drive fuel efficient vehicles
I promise to recycle all cans, bottles, papers and plastic with the numbers 1-3 on them
I promise to keep my thermostat below 70 degrees
I wish for world peace

This would be much more PC than violence directed at an effigy in order to further gluttony and tooth decay!

Posted by: babs at January 10, 2005 09:57 AM

I got whacked in the head with the pinata stick at my own fifth birthday party. And you know what? I lived. And I LEARNED, darn it.

Posted by: Sarah at January 10, 2005 10:46 AM
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