November 01, 2005

Average American Meme

Apparently, a majority of Americans does or has the following things. Like JohnL, from whom I pinch this, I've struck the ones that do not apply and add some commentary:

*Eats peanut butter at least once a week
STEVE-O: Do peanut butter cups count? Dang!

*Prefers smooth peanut butter over chunky
STEVE-O: Doesn't everybody?

*Can name all Three Stooges - Actually, I loathe the Stooges. But I thought there were four altogether. Didn't Shemp replace Curly?
STEVE-O: How many times do we have to deal with this canard of a question? I can't name "all" Three Stooges because there were six: Larry, Moe, Curly, Joe, Curly Joe, and Shemp. Sheesh.

*Lives within a 20-minute drive of a Wal-Mart - When you live in Northern Virginia, you don't live within a 20 minute drive of anything.
STEVE-O: I think ours is about 23 minutes away, so neener to you, Walton-heirs.

*Eats at McDonald’s at least once a year - Over the past ten years, it's probably avereraged out closer to once every two years. This does not count stealing the occassional french fry from a Llama-ette when they bring them home.
STEVE-O: McDonald's is gross.

*Takes a shower for approximately 10.4 minutes a day - Longer. I like to spend time in the shower each morning mulling over what I need to get done during the day. The list seems to keep growing.
STEVE-O: Oddly, I consider Robbo's answer to fall well into the waaaaaaaayyyy too much information department.
Yips! back from Robbo: (assuming Jeromy Irons/Claus von Bulow voice): You haff no idea....

*Never sings in the shower
STEVE-O: Does the collected works of Olivia Newton John count? Dang!

*Lives in a house, not an apartment or condominium
STEVE-O: We live in a home.
Yips! back from Robbo: Sometimes I think you ought to.....

*Has a home valued between $100,000 and $300,000 -
STEVE-O: Thank you local real-estate boom.

*Has fired a gun
STEVE-O: Sure.

*Is between 5 feet and 6 feet tall - 5'11", if you're keeping score at home.
STEVE-O: Nope--6 2 1/2; of course if Robbo's 5'11" then I'm the center for the Houston Rockets.

*Weighs 135 to 205 pounds - 160. See above.
STEVE-O: Umm, no.
Yips! back from Robbo: Take back that heigh crack or I start converting pounds to kilos, fat boy.....

*Is between the ages of 18 and 53 - Yep.
STEVE-O: Physically? Yes. Emotionally? Not even close.

*Believes gambling is an acceptable entertainment option - Well of course the issue is rather more complex than that, but as a general rule I believe gambling causes harm in a variety of ways and most people would be better off avoiding it.
STEVE-O: I don't gamble myself but am entertained by watching others. In the immortal words of Chauncey Gardner, I like to watch...

*Grew up within 50 miles of current home - 1597 miles, according to Mapquest.
STEVE-O: 530.01.

Posted by Robert at November 1, 2005 09:09 AM | TrackBack

The Stooge lineup changed a number of times. Moe and Larry are constants. The variable is the third stooge. Shemp actually predates Curly. He did some good work; a Shemp episode is generally accepted by a Stooge aficionado as being legitimate. I aleways thought he bore an uncanny resemblance to Ronald Reagan.

Apres Curly, le deluge. Joe was brought in. He conceptually changed the nature of the third stooge from being a manic character to being a low-key straight man. And for a time, we had Curly Joe, who took the name of his two predecessors (somewhat like Pope John Paul, although that's pretty much where the similarity ends). Think of Curly Joe as being the Ted McGinley/Cousin Oliver of stoogedom. The character that represents the ultimate fall from grace of the Stooge legacy.

Posted by: The Colossus at November 1, 2005 09:26 AM

You remind me of that Seinfeld line, "I will show you these Stooges."

Posted by: Robbo the LB at November 1, 2005 09:37 AM

Gambling, are we including the occasional penny ante p0ker game? That's fine, I'm just not up to throwing my money away in a casino. And I've never played any state lottery, those odds are even worse than casinos or bookies.

jeez, I couldn't submit with the word "p0ker" in it.

Posted by: rbj at November 1, 2005 10:39 AM

Apart from the physical attributes and not singing in the shower (I never sing. Never!) I certainly wouldnt qualify as an American.
In other words: who or what are Three Stooges?
WTF is a peanut butter? Dont tell me you put something made out of peanuts on bread! Barbaric!
Walmart? Not on this continent.
McDonalds? Not unless I lose my sense of taste.
And so on. Thats what I call "kleine Unterschiede der Kulturen".

Posted by: lemuel kolkava at November 1, 2005 04:41 PM

I love your take on this one. It's like you're each other's alter ego or somethin'.

Ooops. I hope I didn't give anything away there.

And I'm still laughing about the Curly Joe/Cousin Oliver visual I'm getting. . .


Posted by: Margi at November 1, 2005 04:46 PM

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Posted by: The Colossus at November 1, 2005 05:50 PM

I have some of it wrong. The Shemp/Curly order is actually complicated; apparently Shemp predated Curly in Vaudeville, but Curly predated him in the shorts. So the Shemp shorts actually are after Curly's in the order of things.

Which makes the Pope John Paul/Curly Joe analogy break down, I am afraid. Probably just as well.

Assuming I'm reading the bios correctly. And Margi, if you haven't guessed, I'm the Bizarro world Robbo. Prefer Beethoven to Mozart, Wagner to Bach.

Posted by: The Colossus at November 1, 2005 05:55 PM

Nice site!
My homepage | Please visit

Posted by: Holly at July 19, 2006 10:17 PM