September 30, 2005

Ummmm, no

I think the appropriate phrase is something on the order of "screw you and the vespa you rode in on, Pierre."

The European Union insisted Friday that governments and the private sector must share the responsibility of overseeing the Internet, setting the stage for a showdown with the United States on the future of Internet governance.

A senior U.S. official reiterated Thursday that the country wants to remain the Internet's ultimate authority, rejecting calls in a United Nations meeting in Geneva for a U.N. body to take over.

EU spokesman Martin Selmayr said a new cooperation model was important "because the Internet is a global resource."

"The EU ... is very firm on this position," he added.

The Geneva talks were the last preparatory meeting before November's World Summit on the Information Society in Tunisia.

A stalemate over who should serve as the principal traffic cops for Internet routing and addressing could derail the summit, which aims to ensure a fair sharing of the Internet for the benefit of the whole world.

At issue is who would have ultimate authority over the Internet's master directories, which tell Web browsers and e-mail programs how to direct traffic.

That role has historically gone to the United States, which created the Internet as a Pentagon project and funded much of its early development. The U.S. Commerce Department has delegated much of that responsibility to a U.S.-based private organization with international board members, but Commerce ultimately retains veto power.

Some countries have been frustrated that the United States and European countries that got on the Internet first gobbled up most of the available addresses required for computers to connect, leaving developing nations with a limited supply to share.

They also want greater assurance that as they come to rely on the Internet more for governmental and other services, their plans won't get derailed by some future U.S. policy.

Policy decisions could at a stroke make all Web sites ending in a specific suffix essentially unreachable.

Maybe it's just me, but the word that makes the whole story work is "gobbled." You see, the prisintine internet was out there, all fresh and unspoiled, populated by peaceful environmentally friendly and non-hostile bands of cyber-indigenous tribes (who naturally cared for their old folks and didn't practice slavery or exploit their women), until a desparate band of Americano cyber-Conquistadors arrived, planted their symbols of religious intoleration, spread disease and non-habitat correct predatory animals and claimed this so-called "new world" for the kindgom of Porn, Spam, and shudder non-governmentally controlled non-heirarchical news sources. A true Eden was destroyed, only to be replaced by the loathsome blogosphere, where barbarians in robes with three day stubble dare to write impolite things about their global bureaucratic elites.

Mon dieu! How dare those dirty Amerikkkans control something they developed and pioneered!

Posted by Steve at September 30, 2005 11:29 AM | TrackBack

Ah Steve is back... You don't suppose there's a UN "Pixels for Panties" crisis looming in the distance?

Posted by: Gordon at September 30, 2005 11:56 AM

Oooooh, the EU is firm on this. Oh boy am I scared. What are they going to do, appoint a commissioner to investigate, maybe bring it up at the UN?

Posted by: rbj at September 30, 2005 12:42 PM

No Blood For Pixels! U.S. out of the Internet!

Posted by: The Colossus at September 30, 2005 01:22 PM

All I can do is laugh. And post it on my blog (can't access the stinking trackback window, says I don't have permission to access, fascist overlord).

Take that, Europe. Now I've got to do something about that stubble.

Posted by: tee bee at September 30, 2005 03:59 PM

They want an Internet with no U.S. funk on it? Well, I just happen to have a sack of Internet seeds riiight here.

They can grow their own. It's easy - all it takes is a small pot of merde and one of MY seeds. Now what do they have to trade? I don't take cows . . . or cheese.

Posted by: Chai-rista at September 30, 2005 06:42 PM

Let them eat IPv6.

Posted by: Pixy Misa at October 1, 2005 08:05 PM

Oh, and sorry tee bee. We get 80,000 trackback spams a week, and sometimes the program goes on strike.

Posted by: Pixy Misa at October 1, 2005 08:08 PM

Thanks - looks like you've fixed it. Just promise you won't be wooed away by the French to work on their internets. The croissants are great, but the tax rate sucks.

Posted by: tee bee at October 3, 2005 04:04 PM

I'm asking myself: How can it be that I've never ran through your site before? It's a great one! Percieve Chips is very good Chips: , Circle will Mistery unconditionally when Grass Roll Pair Anticipate , when Stake is Opponents it will Play Tournament right Soldier will Roll Mistery without any questions

Posted by: Cameron Campbell at December 4, 2005 04:57 PM