THIS is CNN...?

We report, you decide.

Somewhere at a roadhouse in Altoona, James Earl Jones is crying dramatically into his beer, while Ted Turner is getting the shit kicked out of him in the back alley.

Howard Dean was rendered speechless for a whole two minutes....

while Jacques Chirac attempted the international sign for "Don't shoot! We surrender!"

Congrats, Rusty!

But do let us know when you've arrived!