WHATEVER HAPPENED TO HORSESHACK-GATE, DAY 7

Robbo----You contemptible pig! I remained celibate for you. I stood at the back of a cathedral, waiting, in celibacy, for you, with three hundred friends and relatives in attendance. My uncle hired the best Romanian caterers in the state. To obtain the seven limousines for the wedding party, my father used up his last favor with Mad Pete Trullo. So for me, for my mother, my grandmother, my father, my uncle, and for the common good, I must now kill you, and your brother.

[Steve the LLamabutcher falls to his knees]

Steve the LLamabutcher: Oh, please, don't kill us. Please, please don't kill us. You know I love you baby. I wouldn't leave ya. It wasn't my fault.

Robbo: You miserable slug! You think you can talk your way out of this? You betrayed me.

Steve the LLamabutcher: No I didn't. Honest... I ran out of gas. I, I had a flat tire. I didn't have enough money for cab fare. My tux didn't come back from the cleaners. An old friend came in from out of town. Someone stole my car. There was an earthquake. A terrible flood. Locusts.

IT WASN'T MY FAULT, I SWEAR TO GOD!!!!!

[Rusty Shackleford covers his head in anticipation of more gunfire, Steve the LLamabutcher removes his sunglasses to make a wordless appeal, and the "Mystery Woman" visibly softens]

Robbo: Oh, Jake... Jake, honey...

Steve the LLamabutcher: ....who the hell is Jake?

Cue the more somber "Whatever happened to Horseshack" theme.....