August 17, 2005

9/11 Goes To The Movies (Again)

Jonathan V. Last over at Galley Slaves notes the news that a plan is afoot in Hollywood to make a film about the crash of Flight 93 in Pennsylvania and offers his own suggestion for an appropriate 9/11 storyline:

If I were a filmmaker looking to do a 9/11 movie, I might examine this amazing story from USA Today about how the FAA landed 4,500 planes in 4 hours on September 11.

It's not nearly as sexy as Flight 93--in many ways it's a story about the dog who didn't bark. But it's a relatively unknown corner of 9/11, it's packed with its own, very real, tension, and it would allow you to come at an event which is not yet wholly digested at an off-angle.

Welllll..... While there is some merit in what Last suggests, I've an idea that if this movie ever does happen, it'll be of the made-for-tee-vee variety and feature a cast of washed up B-actors. Somehow, I have this mental image that it would go something like this:

- Tom Berenger as the ex-alchoholic Chief of the FAA.

- Paris Hilton as his estranged daughter (who is aboard a jet with her new love Wil Wheaton and on her way to reconcile with Daddy).

- Bebe Neuwirth as the cantankerous White House liaison (and Berringer's ex) who can't resist second-guessing him because she's not yet learned to respect him.

- Jason Alexander as the administrator of some small, mid-western airport suddenly overburdened with jumbo jets in the landing pattern.

- Eric Estrada as the cocky, unconventional pilot of one such jumbo jet (who has to rely on all of his instincts to save his plane from disaster).

- Dwight Schultz as his neurotic, by-the-book co-pilot.

- Meredith Baxter-Birney as the gutsy tee-vee reporter (and Estrada's ex) who uncovers the Truth about how the sudden order to ground the fleet is dangerously overburdening the traffic control system.

- with Special Guest Star Melissa Gilbert as the passenger on one jet who spills her Scotch in her lap because of violent manueving on the part of the pilot, looks out the window and exclaims, "Hey! Look at all those planes! My husband's the president of this airline and I demand to know what's going on!"

Think it can't happen? Then you overestimate Hollywood.

Posted by Robert at August 17, 2005 04:46 PM | TrackBack

Brilliant. Might I suggest Estelle Getty as the loveable grandmotherly stowaway? Oh, and Heather Locklear as the brave stewardess--excuse me, flight attendant--who keeps all the passengers calm.

Posted by: Rachel at August 17, 2005 05:55 PM

Aha-ha! And in the climactic scene, Locklear slaps Gilbert but good!

Hey, hey, Hollywood - here we come!

Posted by: Robert the LB at August 17, 2005 05:59 PM

Nah. Move Jason Alexander to Gander, Newfoundland, where damned near every flight coming in from overseas ended up. And maybe have Dave Thomas and Rick Moranis revive their McKenzie Brothers routine as his assistants.


Posted by: Jay Tea at August 17, 2005 08:59 PM

All that being said, the article you linked is freaking riveting.

Posted by: Brian B at August 18, 2005 11:05 AM
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