Blow it off. This will give the missus a reason to be mad at you (as opposed to being mad for no reason) and also show her that you need her to keep your life in order.
Sit around and watch dumb movies.

Blow it off. Blame it on Steve-O. Get him in trouble--he deserves it after putting your likeness on the Potter chick's head.

Choose one project and complete that. Blow off everything else. She'll be impressed that you got even that one thing done.

Okay, follow up question: Is cleaning out the kitty litter sufficient to count as a "project"?

Probably not, as it could have gotten disgusting enough that you would clean it out of sheer self-preservation.

Pick something that will benefit the little ones, if possible. Even better if it's something that wasn't on the list in the first place.

Wait until she calls from the car, saying she'll be home in half an hour. Then scramble like mad to do as much as possible before she arrives, pausing only to shut down the porn pages from your browser.

My browser at home is such a dinosaur that it'll take a lot longer than half an hour to close it down - I'd better start that part of the plan tonight.

Meanwhile, I like Owlish's suggestion. I was supposed to make the Llama-ettes' beds. I'll go one better and wash the sheets first. Whether this will keep the Missus from noticing that I haven't finished painting the basement is doubtful, but it might be enough to keep me from getting a failing grade altogether.

Get in your automobile and run. Like the wind. Go NOW!

DON'T YOU EVER LOOK BACK!

Shhh shhhh. It's the only way.

Blame it on me? Are you out of your mind, man?!?!

This whole thread is dispoiling me of my carefully cultivated vision of Robbo going around the house dressed in an apron, ala Felix in Act 2 of The Odd Couple.

My priority in such situations has always been dishes and trash -- so long as the stack of dirty dishes is small (if present at all) and the house doesn't immediately smell of the rotting flesh of farm animals, I figure I'm golden...

Oh,
do clean up the bodies.

I don't know if I'd try "I was going to paint the basement, but I did some laundry instead." Unless you're also going for the "I missed all of you so much, I couldn't concentrate on anything." If so, provide proof, like a "Welcome Home" banner big enough the entire neighborhood thinks you've got someone returning from the battlefront.

Or, this could be a clever ruse, and you've got the house shining and you're trying to surprise the Missus.

Probably not.