June 30, 2005
Crazy Joe Divola Posting
I know you're out there. Don't think I won't meme you. For I have memed before. And I will... meme again.
UPDATE: Kybosh Time -
It's the Scientology Questionaire Meme!
(Note - these are some actual questions the "Church" of Scientology uses to screen newbies. If they weren't, I wouldn't be able to supply answers in italics.....(thanks, Dave)
1. Have you driven anyone insane? Well, they were headed that way anyhow. I just gave a little nudge.
2. Have you ever killed the wrong person? Have I? I'll tell you - No matter how many times I've trapped James Bond, I always seem to wipe out my own henchmen instead.
3. Is anybody looking for you? That Martin Handford clown is becoming a reeeeal pain in the ass.
4. Have you ever set a poor example? I like to think I set a very GOOD poor example, thank you.
5. Did you come to Earth for evil purposes? [Stares at the ceiling. Whistles.]
6. Are you in hiding? Naw, I wear a llama suit because chicks dig lice.
7. Have you systematically set up mysteries? Give me a sec - I'm still answering the questions.
8. Have you ever made a practice of confusing people? Actually, I'm mostly into confusing cats.
9. Have you ever philosophized when you should have acted instead? No, but if by "philosophized" you mean "subsided into alchoholic stupor" and by "acted" you mean "got tangled up with the wrong girl", I can safely say that it was the RIGHT call more than once.
10. Have you ever gone crazy? I'm a native.
11. Have you ever sought to persuade someone of your insanity? Res ipsa dixit.
12. Have you ever deserted, or betrayed, a great leader? No! Was frame job by Moose and Squirrel!
13. Have you ever smothered a baby? The thought HAS occured to me once or twice...
14. Do you deserve to have any friends? The question is what did THEY do to deserve ME.
15. Have you ever castrated anyone? Hay-fever and Ginsu. A bad combination. 'Nuff said.
16. Do you deserve to be enslaved? Yes, but not when I have to get up for work in the morning. [Stares at ceiling. Whistles.]
17. Is there any question on this list I had better not ask you again? This one, at least.
18. Have you ever tried to make the physical universe less real? Huh? The what? I don't see anything.
19. Have you ever zapped anyone? Jeez, don't you read the papers? I've been zapping Tom Cruise with my Diabolical Mind Control (TM) for weeks! Bastard won't pay the money he owes me.
20. Have you ever had a body with a venereal disease? If so, did you spread it? Oh I ain't...got...no...VD body, and, ah, no VD body's got me!