Emey Memey Mimey Mo

Sadie tasked us with this a while back, but I haven't yet got around to responding. So here goes:

If I could be a chef...I could pass off the large glasses of Chateau Thames Embankment I indulge in during my periodic bouts in the kitchen as professional idiosycracy. And charge people for it.

If I could be an architect...I'd design a real beaut' of an abattoir.

If I could be a proctologist...It wouldn't be much of a stretch, since most people think I'm something of a pain in the ass anyway.

If I could be an innkeeper...I'd make damn sure that if a powerful wizard gave me a letter to pass along, I'd do it. Instanter.

If I could be a bonnie pirate...I'd hunt down Captain Feathersword and hang 'im from the foreyardarm as a disgrace to the profession. Arrrr.....

Homey Don't Go There Dept: If I could be a llama-rider...I can't think of a response to this that would not provoke an infuriated smack upside the head from the Missus, so I'll just let it go.

Okay, for those of you scratching your heads and saying, "Spain?" the key to this little meme is below the fold. I'm not going to tag anybody with it because it's already been around most of the 'sphere, but if you want to jump in, consider this a generic invitation.

Here's how it works. Following there is a list of different occupations. You must select at least five of them. You may add more if you like to your list before you pass it on (after you select five of the items as it was passed to you). Of the five you selected, you are to finish each phrase with what you would do as a member of that profession. Then pass it on to three fine bloggers.

Here's that list:
If I could be a scientist...
If I could be a farmer...
If I could be a musician...
If I could be a doctor...
If I could be a painter...
If I could be a gardener...
If I could be a missionary...
If I could be a chef...
If I could be an architect...
If I could be a linguist...
If I could be a psychologist...
If I could be a librarian...
If I could be an athlete...
If I could be a lawyer...
If I could be an innkeeper...
If I could be a professor...
If I could be a writer...
If I could be a backup dancer...
If I could be a llama-rider...
If I could be a bonnie pirate...
If I could be a midget stripper...
If I could be a proctologist...